hanging my tomorrows on the bones of yesterday

I just got done crying with frustration and despairing of the medical system in this country. I just need to see a rheumatologist! This should not be this hard!

Last month, on the 24th I dutifully showed up at UTSW’s rheumatology clinic for the appointment time that was told to me over the phone in January. The secretary told me that my appointment was not until this month, that no doctor could see me, and gave me a half-hearted “sorry for the inconvenience” as though I had not had to take time off of work, and drive to downtown Dallas besides. I am missing out on money for their “mistake”.

Then, last week, the UTSouthwest billing department called me and told me that the new date of my appointment was four days after the insurance referral timed out, and that I would need to contact my doctors office or pay out of pocket. *tears hair out* So I try to call Innovista/formerly Sanitas and can not reach a human being or even leave a message, so I go in the next morning(Friday or Saturday) and talk to a human being at the front desk, tell her that it is an emergency and when the appointment is, and leave her the information from the UTSW billing department. She says it will get straightened out.

[Spoiler: It does not get straightened out.]

I have been calling since Monday morning to check on the status of the referral, unable to reach a person, unable to leave a message, getting no calls back from the automated system, and when I called the billing department this morning they said their information showed no change. So I call the rheumatologists office to cancel so they can get a standby appointment, right? And they tell me there are no appointments available in the next six months, so even if I wanted to reschedule, I can’t.

This is the point at which I started crying.

I have now looked up new doctors on my insurance that are not on the same accursed phone system, transferred my primary care to one of them, and in a minute I’m going to call and set up an appointment to make a referral to a rheumatologist of MY choosing, who will have actual appointments available.

I am so … AARGH, you know? I need to know what this intermittent bullshit with my eyes is, whether the bullshit with my joints is mechanical or rheumatologic. I need medical care, dammit! If Capitalism needs me to work, I have to fucking survive to do that!

I have stuck my head in The Loud Tube and listened to DJ Skrillex’s half-price cousin play the weirdest set list ever … Hopefully I managed to not flinch, move, or swallow too much for the MRI to be readable. Let’s all continue to hope for my not needing surgery for the headaches.

At least this one took less time than I remember the last one doing? That was 17 years ago and my memory is utterly craptastic, but still. Small mercies.

It’s late and I have a headache, so I ordered perfume. That doesn’t sound like it makes sense, but it’s actually straightforward, I promise. All of my willpower reserves have been used up, and not even watching episode 4 of Sandman could help my bad mood recover from a day of hand and head pain, so I failed my will save versus special interest. And bought $40 of perfume, which honestly could be way worse.

I’ve been meaning to buy a sample of Demeter Fragrance’s Thunderstorm scent since spring. If it smells anything at all like fourteen92’s Supercell then I will be ridiculously pleased with this purchase.

I’m not sure why I’ve been getting headaches and may need to go to a chiropractor and a neurologist, but we’re not there yet.

Meow. Most of this post will be ( medical whining. )

The cropped cardigan I bodged together the pattern for is working up quite well and I am thinking of doing a short vlog on youtube to catch up with all of the facebook friends who need to see faces and hear voices to feel connected. I am still trying to get more of the gentle exercise that is recommended, so mostly I have been dancing or getting on the stationary bike when my pain levels are not high. Which I should go do now. Hugs, y'all!

( Medical whining because flesh bodies are so disgustingly painful. )

In other news, I just changed insurance, so I get to do eleventy million kinds of twattery getting pharmacies arranged and primary care and autopay and finding a new neurologist and calling all of our doctors and updating insurance info, and and and. I just want to buy lolita stuff and read fluffy curtainfic and sleep. Is that too much to ask?

Anyway. The holidays were good, even if I am never going off the diet for three days ever again. The first Codecademy lesson went okay, my friends are mostly doing alright, and there is a lolita meetup the 12th that I will be at in a ridiculous dress. I will be sure to take pics. ;)

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The Laws Guidelines of Therapy

( 0. Pay attention. )

Hello friends! I have been reminded that Dreamwidth has private messaging, so I can ask you questions that you may not feel like answering in public! Huzzah!

Do any of you have pinterest boards, trello board, del.icio.us lists, pinboard etc. that I can go wandering through? I am about to change another medication in about a week here, and I need new fluffy things for my brain to chew on during the inevitable mental wobble and headache.

Let me see the insides of your head? I don't judge.