I say a thing.
It is ridiculous,
but you pretend to consider it.
You say a thing.
I roll my eyes so hard I fall over on you.
It is the perfect opportunity for a
sneak attack.
Belly pokes.
I squish my fingers into your sides
but I’m laughing before you are.
Mutually assured destruction:
Friendship.

When I look around, I think this: this is good enough.
And I try to laugh at whatever life brings,
'Cause when I look down I just miss all the good stuff,
And when I look up I just trip over things. - Ani Difranco


I can't talk about Albert, really bring him to you, without telling you about how when he was happy the pitch and emphasis of his voice would bound all over his sentences like an over-excited Labrador. I can recall for you his face and the timbre of his voice saying, "( If I took half the advice I gave, I wouldn't have these problems. )

"

I saw Half Blood Prince again today, and GLEE for the 4th time. In my life I've seen Titanic 4 times, AKIRA 5, Moulin Rouge 6, and Romeo + Juliet 14 times, and Dune so many times the cassette tape wore out. Who else does this? Do you have any insight as to why we do it? Or is it purely the enjoyment factor of the familiar?

In other news, according to Xenoix, I've never talked about being in therapy . . . which I don't actually believe, because when do I not talk? But it's vaguely possible, and I'm pretty sure I've only mentioned it here in passing. Behind the cut tag will be a ( massive entry on my being a headcase and the first bit of how I got better. )

* So I have now seen Episode 1 Season 1 of Leverage. Where can I get more of this?

* I have been thinking through the logistics of insanity, and how chaos theory applies to repeated iterations of the impossible. Perhaps something is not possible when you begin working towards it, but will be by the time you get there (re: our current president is black). In this way some kinds of insanity have real world applications as far as invention, scientific discovery, and social progress. Because the initial conditions of the repeated experiments are constantly changing, each repetition has different chances of success.

* Love's Baby Soft is pedophile-attractant perfume. I may have to make a frightening Loli outfit to celebrate finding this gem hiding out in my bathroom. There may be pigtails involved. You have been warned.

* Subculture is the proving ground for dominant-paradigm social policy in the same way that State courts are proving grounds for what becomes federal policy. We're beta-testing new behaviors and shaking the bugs out, so that the majority of our culture can keep to the stable, already-tried ways of relating. People can be as conservative as they like, but what is normal for us now will be a social norm in 50 years. Think back: Beatniks, rock n' roll, hippies: their radical new habits and practices have become our own. Deliberate minimalism, ecological awareness, activism as a lifestyle, the refusal of racism implied by listening to 'black' music: these things used to exist only in outcasts, not in people who swam in the mainstream.

*Some nights, especially when I can't sleep, I feel unstoppable. I feel like pain is just a condition like breathing and is equally invisible, like every action I take every day will echo through my entire life, like the shadows of what we have been are cast forward onto the future by the light of our former potential selves, obscuring the narrowing field of what we can become in the moving dimness. Only the choices we passed by are brightly lit, and in the gloom ahead lies our eventual fate.

*Why do I only get metaphorical when I hurt? Stupid stomach pain. Stupid insomnia.

ETA: Unfinished sentences are also what happens when I can't sleep. Fixed now.

Success! Blue, a.k.a. gonner221, hosted a party at my house tonight. It started as a game of Munchkin, became pizza and geekitude, and devolved slowly into Munchkin Cthulhu where we all lost our minds and lifeblender scraped victory off the brink of defeat. SO CLOSE!! Ah, well.

You missed a good night. We had doujinshi, learned Satat's thoughts on yaoi, Stephanie/Clover got in my pants, there was a Katamari-hug (my new favorite thing!), some vodka, and more brownies and soda than is good for anyone ever. Good times.

Tired unto death now, gonna respawn for Mother's Day soon. x_x