Cartomancy and feelings

[flamingsword]

I want to get used to the new Alphonse Mucha deck, so I want to do some card readings between now and the 29th. I’m not sure which days they’ll get done on, but drop a comment if you want a reading?

Feelings and wants behind the cut:

I felt happy because:
• I’m doing better at not breaking down / needing to cry than I thought I would be? So that’s something
• I have chocolate and tea and am learning to cook again
• I have been doing okay at remembering to reward myself for being productive

I felt sad because:
• I keep ignoring my alarm to do my self-care. Eventually the voice reminders that I have set get listened to so many times that my brain learns to tune them out even when they’re stuff I want to do. 1 star, do not recommend.
• Mom is still misgendering me. I may have to wear the pronoun tank top soon.
• I should have gotten the emergency bug out bag together for the winter storm tomorrow before my meds wore off this evening. Have to do it in the morning.

I felt angry because:
• Mom is still misgendering me.
• Mom has forgotten that I dislike pork a couple times and I ate it anyway and all I got for trying to be accommodating was indigestion. I am aggravated at both of us, but I have a plan.
• I’m still upset with my AetnaCVS insurance for having a not-up-to-date ghost network on their website. I spent about three hours all told on the internet and phone trying to get the primary care physician mess sorted out.

I felt fear because I thought:
• What if a deep freeze event with snow happens and I have to drive in it?
• What if the low-speed fender bender that happened before New Years causes my car insurance to go up?
• What if Ghost is lying to me about how he and the cats are doing? I wouldn’t necessarily know until after shit went down.

I felt disgust because I thought:
• Ew, pork.
• insomnia!brain doin’ what it do. Why. Just … why.


List at least 5 things that you want, and the hidden emotional need behind the obvious desire.
1. I wanted gel pens and washi tape for starting school, because I want to be super prepared for this since I have way less energy now than I did in my freaking 20’s! I feel like I have less to bring to a classroom, somehow? Idk.
2. I wanted Mom to remember important stuff about me, but she doesn’t. And some of that is on me for not having had the clearly delineated boundaries conversation yet. But it _feels like_ remembering stuff about my pronouns and food allergies should be more important to her than it is.
3. I wanted to get my car checked out today, bc I think a few of the wheel well pop rivets have come loose. That’s just a practical safety consideration
4. I wanted to knit all day today but that’s not in the cards. But I want to listen to fun podcasts and music and make beautiful things for my friends.
5. I want to read a bunch of new stuff … or rather I want to want to, but I’m stuck in comfort re-reads bc my brain is being a little brat.

Comments

[sabethea]

I would love a reading please? It’s my birthday on Monday so I’m always interested to have a general reading of how things are likely to go for the future year at this time.

Also, I hear you on wanting to want to read new stuff. I want to want to read new books, I’m compromising by reading new to me fanfics but it’s not the same.

[flamingsword]

Sure! Do you want the reading here in comments, or in your email, or where? Or if you have a Discord I am .flamingsword <— the period before the name is very important.

Also, Happy Birthyday!