Kick the last nail in …

[flamingsword]

I’m having buyers remorse I guess? About wanting a divorce. About getting what I hope I want out of something that is going to suck pretty hard for at least a year, if you start counting from now, which I am. So I’m just trying to remind myself that I don’t have to settle for feeling unhappy and lonely in my marriage, or constantly watchful/under threat in this state.

We’re going to the attorney tomorrow to start filing paperwork for a no-fault divorce with spousal support. I think my hind brain may be having part of its shit-fit over whether I “deserve” that, and if not, how do I make that happen. And I need to keep telling myself that Ghost volunteered. It was his idea, even. I was a good enough spouse for him, even if I am ending things now. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

Comments

[sabotabby]

*hugs*

I think if you want, or spend a long time thinking about whether you want, a divorce, then a divorce is probably the right call.

[flamingsword]

You’re probably right, but … jitters. Anxiety doesn’t always respect logic, plus I think I forgot to take my mid-afternoon anxiety meds yesterday. 🤦

Thanks for sticking around for the mess that is me angsting over all the stuff I decided to do. I’m glad I don’t appear to be alienating people with what feel like champagne problems.

[sabotabby]

We're on the internet. We all have champagne problems.

[flamingsword]

True that.

-Heidi

[lokifan]

It's definitely going to be okay. I've known various people who've got divorces and none of them regret it. I don't want to dismiss the struggle of the process but I think even being lonely by yourself is better than lonely in your marriage. Feeling safer in your state and nearer friends seems like it'll be so much better. Certainly for me, living far from friends/connections, and in a country/city where it was very hard to make like-minded friends, was when I've been the most unhappy in my life.

[flamingsword]

I will eventually be nearer some friends, but for basically all of 2025 I will be in the Carolinas where I only know some family and my mom who moved out there this year. 2026 will suck considerably less, once I get moved out to the Pacific Northwest, but it’s going to be a hard year to go through to get there.

On the other hand, I’m currently used to being lonely and unhappy a lot of the time, so maybe it will just feel like a continuation of that? I will try to find some local groups for AuDHDers, etc. 🤞 and see if anybody on my wavelength wants to be a friend.

The End of a Marriage

[nyyki]

First off, if you're not apprehensive that's a bad sign. It's clear that you're weighing the sides of this, and you're sharp enough to figure it out. Yeah, lonely sucks, but I don't feel that's where you're headed.
I've gone down this road myself (damn, it's been almost a quarter of a century since then), and a reasonable divorce between adults, with no nastiness and lashing out at each other, isn't as bad as popular media makes it out to be.Don't let the Downer Party make it harder on you than it needs to be. It's natural to be apprehensive when at a huge step in your life.

Re: The End of a Marriage

[flamingsword]

*snickers at “Downer Party”*

You’re probably right that it’s a sign of my mind working correctly that I’m anxious about such things. I would be having these thoughts and feelings even if I was in a worse position in regards to divorce and big life decisions, especially when they negatively affect people I care about.

Thanks for being here. *hugs*

[havocthecat]

Good luck with getting through this.

[flamingsword]

Thanks. I have done most of what I need to for getting the paperwork set in motion, now will come all of the planning for splitting up our phone plan, our finances, and out taxes. I have a pre-emotive headache just thinking of it. 😅

[havocthecat]

I would be too! It's a lot.

[mizerable]

It's going to be okay.

[flamingsword]

I got through the attorney meeting and only cried for five or six minutes after! I now have somewhat more certainty that this is going to turn out okay.

[ot_atma]

fuck.

{hugs}

[flamingsword]

It's getting better? I am no longer having stomach ulcer symptoms, and have been able to sleep better with less chemical intervention in the last week, so my body is starting to chill out as I get used to all of the big changes and get prepared for this stuff.