Feelings are exhausting
Jul. 13th, 2024 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordSo: the good news is that Ghost did not realize that he was hitting all of my social-shunning buttons until I went to spend the night over at rubyredrose’s house for the explicit purpose of not being around him and crying. (There was Braum’s no-sugar-added ice cream, a sleepover, and me figuring out where my limits for this are, and how close we are to my reaching them. I have open tabs on how to get a divorce in Texas to prove it.)
But when I came back this afternoon to talk to him about it, he was in a very different mood, and was apologetic about both his effect on me and his part in the empathy failures and misunderstandings that brought about this state of affairs. He has a couple of ideas of how to not be only consuming media that focuses on the darker parts of human nature that skews his statistical view of people, and he wants to try joining the props and lighting crew for a local Rocky Horror company. 🍀
We have a lot more work to do for this, but I have at least some hope that he is investing in the things that will fix our relationship. He has agreed to read the book Unmasking Autism and see if he can start to be gradually more authentic in his relationships, so that things don’t get so bad in the future. I have asked him to come up with some relationship goals and a vision for what he wants our relationship to look like in the coming week, so that we can negotiate and experiment with what might work for both of us to have things to share.
So I am giving it 40 days, and then I will re-assess whether we may need to get a separation or a divorce. As it stands, we are not going to split up yet, and are going to try to work it out now that Ghost knows there is a boundary there.
I am just hoping this is not all a twisted lead-up to another manic break/psychotic episode. Also I am exhausted from the way my body has been somatizing tension for the last three days. I could really do without the mouth ulcers, stress headaches, and gasping, pre-panic-attack breathing. Oy.
Also, I texted my sister a few days ago and my dad is in the hospital with meningitis. So that’s … not great. I haven’t had the bandwidth to worry about it yet.
rubyredrose’s house for the explicit purpose of not being around him and crying. (There was Braum’s no-sugar-added ice cream, a sleepover, and me figuring out where my limits for this are, and how close we are to my reaching them. I have open tabs on how to get a divorce in Texas to prove it.) But when I came back this afternoon to talk to him about it, he was in a very different mood, and was apologetic about both his effect on me and his part in the empathy failures and misunderstandings that brought about this state of affairs. He has a couple of ideas of how to not be only consuming media that focuses on the darker parts of human nature that skews his statistical view of people, and he wants to try joining the props and lighting crew for a local Rocky Horror company. 🍀
We have a lot more work to do for this, but I have at least some hope that he is investing in the things that will fix our relationship. He has agreed to read the book Unmasking Autism and see if he can start to be gradually more authentic in his relationships, so that things don’t get so bad in the future. I have asked him to come up with some relationship goals and a vision for what he wants our relationship to look like in the coming week, so that we can negotiate and experiment with what might work for both of us to have things to share.
So I am giving it 40 days, and then I will re-assess whether we may need to get a separation or a divorce. As it stands, we are not going to split up yet, and are going to try to work it out now that Ghost knows there is a boundary there.
I am just hoping this is not all a twisted lead-up to another manic break/psychotic episode. Also I am exhausted from the way my body has been somatizing tension for the last three days. I could really do without the mouth ulcers, stress headaches, and gasping, pre-panic-attack breathing. Oy.
Also, I texted my sister a few days ago and my dad is in the hospital with meningitis. So that’s … not great. I haven’t had the bandwidth to worry about it yet.