therapy post
Dec. 10th, 2020 01:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordhttps://open.spotify.com/search/killigrew - soothing chillstep for your afternoon
https://youtu.be/lfqi418iIq4 - vaguely christmassy jazz, drifty & low key
Y'know, when I was little and already had insomnia, I was allowed to watch TV if I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep, but only if it was PBS. And do you know what was on PBS in the hella early morning? British cartoons and comedies. This explains so much of my ability to understand sarcasm and absurdist humor. And a lot of my basic expectations of other people as being supposed to be polite under all circumstances, which they weren't. I grew up with a skewed set of social expectations, and I think people constantly refusing to be British may have helped twist me inside.
5 of my safety behaviors that may need to be re-evaluated are:
1. assuming I should help other people do everything/taking over projects
2. not asking for help/doing everything myself
3. not thinking about relationship questions that make me nervous
4. projecting my fears of unfairness onto other people
5. holding myself accountable for other people's decisions
I am grateful to my younger self for developing a skillset to keep me safe, but I no longer need these behaviours because:
1. I am enough for the people I care about.
2. I can be vulnerable because I am enough.
3. I can be vulnerable because I am enough.
4. People can be fair.
5. The people that I care about want to be fair and can be reasoned with.
Things that I will try instead are:
1. Offer to help in case I am needed and then back off.
2. Recognize when I am getting overwhelmed and ask for help then.
3. Start asking and diagnosing relationship questions without waiting for stuff to blow up in my face.
4. Express my expectations of fairness toward other people so that they can negotiate.
5. Hold other people to account for their decisions.
https://youtu.be/lfqi418iIq4 - vaguely christmassy jazz, drifty & low key
Y'know, when I was little and already had insomnia, I was allowed to watch TV if I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep, but only if it was PBS. And do you know what was on PBS in the hella early morning? British cartoons and comedies. This explains so much of my ability to understand sarcasm and absurdist humor. And a lot of my basic expectations of other people as being supposed to be polite under all circumstances, which they weren't. I grew up with a skewed set of social expectations, and I think people constantly refusing to be British may have helped twist me inside.
5 of my safety behaviors that may need to be re-evaluated are:
1. assuming I should help other people do everything/taking over projects
2. not asking for help/doing everything myself
3. not thinking about relationship questions that make me nervous
4. projecting my fears of unfairness onto other people
5. holding myself accountable for other people's decisions
I am grateful to my younger self for developing a skillset to keep me safe, but I no longer need these behaviours because:
1. I am enough for the people I care about.
2. I can be vulnerable because I am enough.
3. I can be vulnerable because I am enough.
4. People can be fair.
5. The people that I care about want to be fair and can be reasoned with.
Things that I will try instead are:
1. Offer to help in case I am needed and then back off.
2. Recognize when I am getting overwhelmed and ask for help then.
3. Start asking and diagnosing relationship questions without waiting for stuff to blow up in my face.
4. Express my expectations of fairness toward other people so that they can negotiate.
5. Hold other people to account for their decisions.