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codependency
Jul. 25th, 2022 05:08 pmSo this week my therapist asked me to think about codependency in my relationships, and things to watch out for in other's behaviour and in mine. To make this easier, I started looking up ways codependency manifests in people, and hoo boy.
Like, I get that codependency is bad, y'all, I do. But some of the folks writing these articles are trying to ascribe every bad thing under the sun to it as primary cause, and that is just not how any of that works. Like saying that codependents "gauge their words carefully to achieve the desired effect," which is, you know, communication? And sure, that could be done manipulatively, but it is not necessarily bad of itself, and even if it were it has no bearing on that being a form or signal of codependency! Codependents also apparently "Lie to protect themselves." Um, I don't know about you, but while I may not like lying, if I think I am in danger I will do so flawlessly and without remorse, and I highly recommend the practice! JFC.
Anyway, back to trying to sort through memories of X and M and the other M, whose relationships with me degraded towards codependency before they had to be put out of our mutual misery. I'm supposed to sort through years of memories, but honestly my memory is crap. I remember some things but probably not very accurately. I know that people's memories re-write themselves over time, and I have no reason to think that I am immune from that. I will be updating this over the next few hours with stuff as I read through some of this dreck and try to sort what are helpful truths from what are the delusions of psychologists. I may bring you more gems.
EDIT:
XD XD XD orz !!!For codependents "Helping or taking care of others makes you feel good" - was this checklist written by a cishet dude or a psychopath? Taking care of people you love is supposed to feel good, dipshit! Of course people get carried away doing the one thing that feels good that society freaking allows them to do! That doesn't make it codependent to feel a natural human urge to take care of others. Oh my fucking gods. This was written by someone other than the last list, which I gave up on as a poisoned well, but I may have to do that here, too.
Like, I get that codependency is bad, y'all, I do. But some of the folks writing these articles are trying to ascribe every bad thing under the sun to it as primary cause, and that is just not how any of that works. Like saying that codependents "gauge their words carefully to achieve the desired effect," which is, you know, communication? And sure, that could be done manipulatively, but it is not necessarily bad of itself, and even if it were it has no bearing on that being a form or signal of codependency! Codependents also apparently "Lie to protect themselves." Um, I don't know about you, but while I may not like lying, if I think I am in danger I will do so flawlessly and without remorse, and I highly recommend the practice! JFC.
Anyway, back to trying to sort through memories of X and M and the other M, whose relationships with me degraded towards codependency before they had to be put out of our mutual misery. I'm supposed to sort through years of memories, but honestly my memory is crap. I remember some things but probably not very accurately. I know that people's memories re-write themselves over time, and I have no reason to think that I am immune from that. I will be updating this over the next few hours with stuff as I read through some of this dreck and try to sort what are helpful truths from what are the delusions of psychologists. I may bring you more gems.
EDIT:
XD XD XD orz !!!For codependents "Helping or taking care of others makes you feel good" - was this checklist written by a cishet dude or a psychopath? Taking care of people you love is supposed to feel good, dipshit! Of course people get carried away doing the one thing that feels good that society freaking allows them to do! That doesn't make it codependent to feel a natural human urge to take care of others. Oh my fucking gods. This was written by someone other than the last list, which I gave up on as a poisoned well, but I may have to do that here, too.