I bring the funny

[flamingsword]

The Q'ran, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita: all these works are meant to be taken as works of non-fiction, based on the world and actual revelations/experiences had by the authors about that world's origins. As Kathy Mar sings, "Humans wrote the Bible, God wrote the world." And that's deep and everything, but as a corollary it also means that the Bible is fanfiction. All religious texts claim to be based in part on the words of a deity, so I suppose that's as canon as can be, but they're all different and ascribe different names and motivations to the main character, so religions are all just different fandoms.

There's a name for something that happens in fanfiction when a bad author writes in a character based on something they wish they could be, and it's "Mary-Sue". A Mary-Sue is a character who has special powers, exotic looks, or is a previously-unheard-of relative to a main character. Everyone loves a Mary-Sue, s/he can do anything and often upstages the primary characters. Sound like anyone you know? Jesus is the biggest Mary-Sue ever. Heal the sick, throw a perfect party with bread and fish and wine for everybody, and bring back the dead - tell me that he wasn't written to upstage his father and take the plot focus for himself. YA RLY.

Also, sometimes the Adam/Eve shippers and the Adam/Steve shippers get to sniping at each other, and you get little flame wars where people are crucified on LiveJournal for their belief in the One True Pairing. Which means that religious wars are fandom wank. And isn't "Christianity" just a candy-coated way of saying, "I ship God/Mary chan non-con"? See, nobody has real moral high ground here, and this is why we don't like the wank. Religion fandom: peace out, yo!

Now, in the TV, book, and movie fandoms, we realize that the owners will sue for trying to pass our work off as their own, or for trying to extort money out of it. So we say right up front that the original work is not ours. Seriously Muslims/Christians/Jews/Buddhists: You do not own the copyright on God. Have the balls to use the standard "don't own, don't sue" disclaimer, you trademark infringing trolls!

I swallow the ideas of others, and nine months later I'll have a headache and out will spring a shining idea, fully formed, armed, and loaded. Like Athena. How cool is it that I have tiny militant lesbians in my head? Oh, shut up, you're just jealous.

Comments

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

This is genius! It makes the Judaism/Christianity/Islam conflict so clear to me now: the latter two are just a couple of snotty Suethors who think they have the better OMC, and they both hate Judaism because Judaism brings the OC-hate and only has time for fic about canon characters. If only the rest of the world could understand this. :)

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Oh - I'm here from cluegirl's rec, btw.

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Here via cluegirl. This is brilliant! :D

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm just glad that I finally came up with something that I think is funny for which other people aren't going to look at me like I'm smoking crack. Well, not much anyway. :)

[dyingfire.livejournal.com]

-Comes out of hiding.-

Um...don't take this the wrong way, unless you want to :) ;), but:

OMG! I love you! Have my children?

On a more normal non-fangirling note: Best. Thing. Ever! Really!

Also, I'm going to link this.

-Resumes hiding again.-

THX

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I would make a very cool Baby-Momma, as long as I didn't have to raise the psychotic little tyke. So . . . SURE!

And it's okay, you can be creepy and stalkery on my journal if you want to. :D

Yay!

[dyingfire.livejournal.com]

For you the Adam and Steve icon.

No worries, I figure the kids can be adopted, b/c I'm not up to that either.

YAY! -Starts picking out names.-

I figured you wouldn't care about my fangirl squee over this, but I had to at least explain it.

Quite droll

[lord-of-entropy.livejournal.com]

While your thesis is striking, still, a small quibble:

All religious texts claim to be based on the words of a deity

This depends, I suppose, on what you consider a religious text, and what you define as a deity, but some potential exceptions spring to mind.

First of all, the Tao Te Ching. Lao Tzu may have been deified, but this is happened after the text became popular, and thus the book of the Way was not originally popularised as "the writings of [a] god."

Secondly, the Tripitaka. Many Buddhist schools, particularly Theravāda Buddhists, are not claiming to be speaking for any deity, nor would these individuals agree that Siddhārtha was in anyway a god (a lesser state then Nirvana, I'd say).

Thirdly, to move to division within Judeo-Xian thought, it is not necessary to believe in the Mary-Jane version of Jesus, nor indeed in a deity that would ever intervene directly in world events, to be a part of the fan-base. Thomas Jefferson's Bible (http://www.sullivan-county.com/news/deist1999/jeff_bible.htm) is one of the best known examples of this, as are the several forms of Unitarianism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarianism#Forms_of_Unitarianism).

Re: Quite droll

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Taoism is a philosophy, not a religion. It does not claim to know the heart of the way.

You totally have me on the Buddhism thing, though, and I've never heard of the Jefferson Bible. *saves link*
:J You are the wellspring of resources, aren't you?

[wicked-socks.livejournal.com]

Where priests, caliphs, and rabbis are BNFs. And theology is just a huge series of RPGs filled with original characters playing in the religious universe. And theologians and the BNFs fight over canon(literal)and fanon/fandom(metaphoric)readings and interpretations. Except the author is no longer around to knock down the really cracked out theories.

This is awesome!

(here through cluegirl's lj)

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and as I'm re-reading it I'm coming to think of different religions in odd new manners. Such as:
Wiccans are the kids over on ithurtsmybrain, the cracked-out crossover/AU worshippers.
Catholics are the angst fans, with their unrequited love for GOD (but it's sekritly requited, don't tell nobody).
I could go on and on, but most of it will be nonsense. Oh well.

[starwatcher]

.
Hee! It explains so much. Thank you.
.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thank you for linking me! I get to infect even more of the world with my deranged metaphors. :D YAYHURRAY!

[kheha.livejournal.com]

Oh goodness, the crack...

>> And isn't "Christianity" just a candy-coated way of saying, "I ship God/Mary non-con/chan-preg"?
*guffaws*

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I do my best thinking when I have a headache or am sick. Why is that? I mean, Buckminster Fuller had dreams and Nikola Tesla would have visions and I have The Headaches of Inspiration? Not. Cool. At. All.
Oh, well.

[voices-speak.livejournal.com]

Okay, you are so getting friended. I loved it.
Here by starwatcher307, who is in fact my aunt.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

YAY! More people to infect!! *breathes the crazy-virus on you*

Now I'm starting to wonder if god has stalkers. How would you go about that, anyway? If he's omnipresent, we're technically ALL his stalkers, but I mean, in a more directed sense. Could you stalk god?

[erinptah]

Jesus completely fails the canon Sue test.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Dude, I fail the Sue Test. I know not whereof comes this strange power, but the real world is a more disturbed place than I was raised to believe. Most people I know have had prophetic dreams, so it's on the test, but it's not that unusual. Angsty past? Who DOESN'T have one of those?

Try taking the test yourself, and see.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

Nah, Bible is the canon. Talmud, Midrachim, Apocrypal texts, and other exegis are fanfics ^^

And the Old Testament is book/manga canon, but the New Testament is movie/anime canon, so people disagree about which canon is canonest. *nodsnods*

[cordelia_v]

I've gotten to a space where I tend to read the entire world as fanfic, to be honest.

But a quibble: there's no way you can call that non con. God sends an angel to Mary to tell her that she's been chosen, and Mary explicitly agrees, in one of the most beautiful passages in the New Testament: the Magnificat. It's probably the most famous examples of reproductive choice in human history, the Annunciation.

And we're not told her age, so you can't know if it's chan (by whatever local definition), or not.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Um, sadly, no. In Matthew (http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/kjv/mat001.htm#1:18) it says that the angel came unto JOSEPH, implying that Mary didn't even know. Non-informed is non-consenting.
And with the tendency to marry girls off as you could, she was probably fourteenish. Most marriages in human history are chan by todays skewed standards.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thanks. That's pretty much what I was going for. :)

[jessicamariek.livejournal.com]

*bows before altar of teh funneh*
Here from Metaquotes, and laughing my ass off. You frelling RULE. And I think I need to show this to my parents next time they say fanfic has become a religion for me. ^.^

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Somebody put me on Metaquotes?!?!?

*dies*

[divabat.livejournal.com]

Har.

Though the Quran would fail that song line. In Islam, the Quran is 100% God's word, passed through Muhammad - angels would come to Muhammad and get him to read ("Read" is officially the first phrase said by Gabriel to Muhammad; he was illiterate at the time) and the Muhammad would pass it on to his friends, who would write it down for him.

Then you have the Hadith, which are Muhammad's OWN sayings...yet they're compiled by various other people and sometimes there's debate on whose compilation is better. I wonder what fandom cliche is that.

Hinduism is yet another kettle of fish.

[mossushi.livejournal.com]

It just so happens that I was reading that in my RE class and burst out laughing. XD

It's true, though. That's bloody awesome! Mind if I add it to memories? :D

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Um. *boggles at self* Sure!
I, uh *boggles at all the new people* hello there! Is this what fame is like? Fame is prickly and kinda scary. It only lasts fifteen minutes, right?

[leelastarsky.livejournal.com]

This was fantastic! Thankyou!! :~D

oooOOOooh!

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thanks.
Also, I love your naked!Ewan icon. Where did you get the original pic of that?

[jackshoegazer.livejournal.com]

Hilarious.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I read too much Sinfest. Can ya tell?

[tienriu.livejournal.com]

Just so you know? This is THE BEST thing I've ever read about religion in ages and ages.

Hee! Though now I'm thinking of Judas and his betrayal as "Judasgate" and the largest BNF split ever (laughs).

(also, hi, I swear I was just drifting through and found this post - don't mind me)

[(Anonymous)]

Holy shit you are a moron. I am not religious, but relating religion to the internet? It's simply asinine!

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Or, I am using satire to make light of the fact that the asinine things we do we do in every area of our lives.