Happy Equinox!

[flamingsword]

How have y’all’s weeks been? I had a bunch of stuff I could complain about but it's mostly things like "Had to spend 3 hours in a loud crowd and almost had a meltdown" that are over now, and the less I dwell on that aggravation, the better. Also our apartment complex is playing chicken with the US post office about whose responsibility it is to replace and repair the mailboxes, meanwhile we're not getting any mail.

*tears out hair* 

I came across a therapy-snippet by Nate Postlethwait the other day that said "Please be patient with those who have a hard time articulating how they feel. Many of them grew up in environments where no matter what they said, it was not enough to be heard. Their default to feel safe, is to stop sharing. Again, patience please." And I felt that in my soul. But like, that's not just me, that's a fair number of my flist and a bunch of other folks I know IRL, especially the neurodivergent kids whose parents were allistic or a different flavor of neurospicy. We all got told what we “meant” by what we were trying to communicate, and it was always incorrect, and (I know in my case) it always felt like an accusation about the kinds of people we were. Eventually people either learn to not talk about shit, even though that's detrimental long-term, or we go the other direction and become fighty, combative assholes about anything that feels accusatory. Some of us get both! (depending on the day of the week and whether we consider it possible to be heard by that person)

*shrugs*

Next year is going to suck pretty hard for me, I think, so I’m gathering ye rosebuds etc, and seeing all of the IRL friends that I can afford to, and trying not to spend much money to do so. Hopefully I get finances figured out by October. But it sure would be nice to have a mailbox to get my bank card delivered to. 😖 I may have to get a post office box to take care of that. Aargh.

In good news, I have now backed up my computer, and my photos in my phone, and re-strung my (very subtle) pentagram necklace with more labradorite beads so it looks much more cohesive than it did before. I have done one of the sleeves of the hooded duster I’m knitting, and am almost done with the short rows for the sleeve cap on the other side. After this sleeve, it’s mostly just the pockets, figuring out the rest of the decorative edging on the bottom of the duster, and sewing on buttons and buttonhole backings to invisibly mark which hole the buttons go in. Hmm, I should do some progress photos, shouldn’t I? Next time, for sure.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Oh my GOD all my sympathies about the mail.

And the rest too.

[flamingsword]

Thanks. I need to get a move on and go to the post office today and get a PO Box. But it's rainy and my bones hurt. Ugh.

[arlie]

"We all got told what we “meant” by what we were trying to communicate, and it was always incorrect, and (I know in my case) it always felt like an accusation about the kinds of people we were."

I still have a *huge* button about being told what I mean, what I feel, what I want, or even what I know.

I even have peripheral buttons defending that main one. E.g. I finally realized why certain faux-innocent (or maybe honestly autistic) behaviours made me especially angry - putting people (me) in categories, particularly when you get to assign those categories, is to me a prelude for telling people (me) their true needs, talents, desires etc. Since "all xyz people are the same", it's important to make sure everyone knows who is xyz, and of course the person in question doesn't get a vote in whether or not they are an xyz, any more than they get to give any evidence as to whether particular stereotypes actually describe their experience.

That does sound awful

[flamingsword]

I don't mind things being expressed as "most people who have x thing have similar fundamental needs that are expressed in a number of different ways". But that is a thing I learned as an adult. When I was a kid, all the accusations like "people like you just use big words because you want to feel special" were enraging in ways I could not explain at the time, but now I know it's because every part of that is incorrect, and it was being forced onto my identity publicly, determining how other people would treat me permanently. And no, you're right, you could never talk people out of their unfounded assumptions, because you don't get a vote in what other people assign to you. I had so many meltdowns about that.