Dad stuff

[flamingsword]

Feelings about estranged dad / hospital stuff:
I can’t remember if I shared here that Dad was in the hospital with the less-contagious fungal form of meningitis, but … that is not a thing that happens when your immune system is functioning normally. So they will have to cure the meningitis before they can figure out the rest of what is going on with him. From Sister, latest news is

He’s in neuro ICU in [mid-sized city]. They had to put a drain in his head bc spinal pressure was too high and causing seizures. He’s restrained bc when he gets confused he tries to move and pull on things and is going to hurt himself. It sucks.

So ways that I feel are
• anger, bc part of me still insists that Dad is not allowed to die until he mans up and talks to me. Despite that being exceedingly unlikely.
• helpless to do anything for Sister and Niece, who are bearing the brunt of taking care of Dad’s responsibilities around the farm and with the beehives.
• unsettled about how my big strong father, full of vim and machismo, can be in such medical danger.
• tired because of life stuff and not sure I have the spoons to even call my grandmother tomorrow, though I am going to try. This might be her second kid she has buried in as many years. She needs support, too, even if she won’t accept it.
• dismayed that stuff like this seems to happen when my life is already full of wack stuff going on.
• resigned to not being ever told by my dad that he is proud of me or that he likes who I am as a person.
• Skeptical that this is what will actually bring him down after the ridiculous amount of medical bullshit he’s been through in his life.
• sad that people die every day, and the world is diminished by every death.


Luck to everyone going through it right now.

+ For my Muslim readers, may the spirit of Ashura ignite kindness and compassion in your heart, and may you find happiness in every step you take.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

*offers hugs*

[flamingsword]

Thanks! Apparently Dad heard that someone thought he wasn’t raging hard enough, bc he has started getting better, talking some and moving around purposefully more. 😮‍💨

[minoanmiss]

cheers

[sabotabby]

*hugs* That's so hard. I ended up not doing the deathbed reconciliation thing, and imo whatever choices you make are up to you and no one else.

[flamingsword]

Thanks, sabotabby. I just got news that he’s doing better and I’m so relieved.

[arlie]

*hugs*

[flamingsword]

Thanks.