Circles, orbits, precessing and processing

[flamingsword]

I am redrawing my Circles of Trust therapy exercise, because one of those “question of the day” Discord server bots reminded me to do that yesterday, but my brain was busy and too full of other stuff. It’s been a couple years, and my birthyday is coming up, so it’s about that time.

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So I am hurt by C’s decision to dump me when it was most convenient for them and most damaging for me, in part because I hurt them by accident and it really looks like they hurt me on purpose, out of pettiness. I knew they could be petty, I’ve seen them do it to people before, but it was always to people who they framed the conversation as doing stuff that hurt them out of self-interest or for selfish reasons.

Does C think that my not betraying Bat’s trust was born of selfishness? Do they think that I agreed with Bat’s decision to fuck some dickwad who might have decided that he could abuse them, too? Or is this just C projecting their anger and guilt about Bat onto me bc their trauma means that they can’t deal with big feelings without shutting down? Which, y’know? Fair; I know what that’s like.

I guess I voted for the Leopards Eating Faces Party by being friends with someone I knew could be petty, and I was really just gambling on C having clear vision about other people’s motives, which was, in hindsight, dumb of me. I tend to believe other people when they confidently assert knowing what other people are like, but I really need to stop doing that before I get my face eaten by another leopard.

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The neighbors are playing really boring techno way too loud again, and I have a sinus headache which is boo and also hiss. 🙄 Please substitute better taste for louder volume, neighbor. Or at least invest in a good headset? Something.

Comments

[sabotabby]

*hugs* It's hard to know when and how to trust.

[silk_dragon_zen]

I guess I voted for the Leopards Eating Faces Party by being friends with someone I knew could be petty [...]

So you're still on the C is evil trip, I see. Please stop and consider other possibilities: your future self will thank you.

— Dor

[flamingsword]

C is not evil? I literally never said that? But we all have our flaws, and I did not recognize this one in C and I'm kind of taking it as a reflection on myself as well, since I co-signed some of that behavior. It's a reason to be less petty / less approving of such myself.

Also, C is often not as petty around you or on their server, but they could be around Bat and I bc he was the same way, and I usually think it's funny to see people get their due comeuppance. Which I guess I am getting too, now, for my sins.

[silk_dragon_zen]

Yeah, I think we're all a little guilty of that. But we SilkDragons all had the impression that the "Leopards Eating People's Faces Party" was an allusion to evil. Guess we need to expand our understanding of that meme.

— Sage

[flamingsword]

The “Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party” is now used as a stand-in for Brexit voters and folks who are sad that they voted for the fascist MAGA wing of the republicans, but originally it was a generic meme about voting for things to happen to other people that then will happen to you. It’s just that we then had two really big prime examples while that meme was going around and it became a kind of cultural shorthand.

I voted for C being petty to people when they felt justified, and now I am the one who is sad that I was petty’ed at.

[silk_dragon_zen]

Okay thanks, that makes things much clearer. 🙏

— Sage