Frazzled and moithered
May. 24th, 2024 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordIf you are crabby or out-of-sorts, it may help you to list as many forks as you can, to see which ones are the easiest to un-stick.
• I am upset about not having enough time this week to work on the grief and anger project, that Batrick is missing an awesome party where he’ll know everyone, and about getting eaten alive by mosquitoes bc I forgot to put on bug spray, forgot take my gabapentin this afternoon so that my blood would be maximum bitter, and forgot that I have been on half-doses of meds this last week (long story) so that my blood would be half as bitter smelling to tiny bloodsuckers.
• I am sad about Mom’s presents getting returned to the bookstore because my stepdad confidently gave me the wrong address, sad to still be missing Bat, and sad that tomorrow is the last day I’ll really have space to be worried about stuff instead of feeling the full weight of the burden of missing someone who was so alive this time last year.
• I feel guilty about not being able to do more for the memorial, being a bit of an absent friend this week, and resenting other folks for not helping us despite their not being disabled (I know people have to work, but my first impulse was that they could have been helping out on a much longer timeline than just bringing snacks tomorrow).
• I feel stressed about being one of the few people taking an interest in making sure the Bat memorial gets under way, putting up *thinks* $120 and counting of my money to make sure this event happens, and feeling like nobody in the Dallas disability community has anything like financial stability bc I’m the only one who currently has money to pay for this stuff. (The other people putting in funds are all from out of state.)
List at least 5 things that you want, and the hidden emotional need behind the obvious desire.
1. Just realized that I am hangry, gonna get some food, brb
2. I want to have more energy, bc I feel ineffective and I need to feel mastery but I don’t right now.
3. I want more supporters in the Bat memorializing bc I need to not feel like the only ones who want to remember him are his fellow cripple-punks.
4. I want Ghost to not have nerve damage in his thumb, which I suspect is a thing, bc I need to be able to keep someone I love safe, and he’s the best candidate.
5. I want to find some menswear that fits my shoulders and hips and then re-tailor it by hand to fit my short freaking legs, bc I need to play around more with gender performances. I have not gotten to do that in a while.
6. I want to re-buy the books from half price books and reship them out to NC, bc I need mom to know that even when if I’m angry at her, I still love her, and in my immediate family, we show that with books.
• I am upset about not having enough time this week to work on the grief and anger project, that Batrick is missing an awesome party where he’ll know everyone, and about getting eaten alive by mosquitoes bc I forgot to put on bug spray, forgot take my gabapentin this afternoon so that my blood would be maximum bitter, and forgot that I have been on half-doses of meds this last week (long story) so that my blood would be half as bitter smelling to tiny bloodsuckers.
• I am sad about Mom’s presents getting returned to the bookstore because my stepdad confidently gave me the wrong address, sad to still be missing Bat, and sad that tomorrow is the last day I’ll really have space to be worried about stuff instead of feeling the full weight of the burden of missing someone who was so alive this time last year.
• I feel guilty about not being able to do more for the memorial, being a bit of an absent friend this week, and resenting other folks for not helping us despite their not being disabled (I know people have to work, but my first impulse was that they could have been helping out on a much longer timeline than just bringing snacks tomorrow).
• I feel stressed about being one of the few people taking an interest in making sure the Bat memorial gets under way, putting up *thinks* $120 and counting of my money to make sure this event happens, and feeling like nobody in the Dallas disability community has anything like financial stability bc I’m the only one who currently has money to pay for this stuff. (The other people putting in funds are all from out of state.)
List at least 5 things that you want, and the hidden emotional need behind the obvious desire.
1. Just realized that I am hangry, gonna get some food, brb
2. I want to have more energy, bc I feel ineffective and I need to feel mastery but I don’t right now.
3. I want more supporters in the Bat memorializing bc I need to not feel like the only ones who want to remember him are his fellow cripple-punks.
4. I want Ghost to not have nerve damage in his thumb, which I suspect is a thing, bc I need to be able to keep someone I love safe, and he’s the best candidate.
5. I want to find some menswear that fits my shoulders and hips and then re-tailor it by hand to fit my short freaking legs, bc I need to play around more with gender performances. I have not gotten to do that in a while.
6. I want to re-buy the books from half price books and reship them out to NC, bc I need mom to know that even when if I’m angry at her, I still love her, and in my immediate family, we show that with books.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-25 09:55 pm (UTC)