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flamingsword[Edit: my stepmother has died of cancer. She and I were not close, but Sister C has asked me to reach out to Dad. I have been plotting for his mental health.]
Okay, so (my and other folk’s) ideas for getting Dad to process his grief in productive ways:
• talk to a preacher - he has medical trauma, so he won’t do therapy or anything medical-adjacent but he will sometimes listen to religious figures.genderjumper says that the hospice should have minister services; I will have to ask if they are available after the patient has already died.
• go to a rage room - in Dad’s family, we experience grief as rage a lot of the time bc like half of us have alexithymia and can’t tell what we’re feeling until it explodes out of us. I think a rage room is a great idea, credit to BalanceBeam AND one of the front desk ladies.
• join a boxing gym/MMA gym - I can’t remember who had the idea first but I’m gonna creditgenderjumper bc I think it was them. But he could do some physical therapy in the form of re-learning how to treat his body like a weapon, and it might keep him from starting any more bar fights with strangers.
• buy him a good camera - he is still not steady on his feet enough to be doing hunting and fishing, but he could sit in a hunting blind and do wildlife photography, and get a lot of the same benefits of hunting?
• music therapy that’s not called that - Credit tonyyki. I will have to figure out how to maybe put together a playlist that Dad can listen to somehow of music from when he was in high school. Get him out of the headspace of everything being lost now.
If you have an arguably toxically masculine, undiagnosed autistic man in your life whose behavior you can predict, throw me a comment if you have good ideas for directing grief into healthy outlets.
Okay, so (my and other folk’s) ideas for getting Dad to process his grief in productive ways:
• talk to a preacher - he has medical trauma, so he won’t do therapy or anything medical-adjacent but he will sometimes listen to religious figures.
genderjumper says that the hospice should have minister services; I will have to ask if they are available after the patient has already died. • go to a rage room - in Dad’s family, we experience grief as rage a lot of the time bc like half of us have alexithymia and can’t tell what we’re feeling until it explodes out of us. I think a rage room is a great idea, credit to BalanceBeam AND one of the front desk ladies.
• join a boxing gym/MMA gym - I can’t remember who had the idea first but I’m gonna credit
genderjumper bc I think it was them. But he could do some physical therapy in the form of re-learning how to treat his body like a weapon, and it might keep him from starting any more bar fights with strangers. • buy him a good camera - he is still not steady on his feet enough to be doing hunting and fishing, but he could sit in a hunting blind and do wildlife photography, and get a lot of the same benefits of hunting?
• music therapy that’s not called that - Credit to
nyyki. I will have to figure out how to maybe put together a playlist that Dad can listen to somehow of music from when he was in high school. Get him out of the headspace of everything being lost now.If you have an arguably toxically masculine, undiagnosed autistic man in your life whose behavior you can predict, throw me a comment if you have good ideas for directing grief into healthy outlets.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-20 11:09 pm (UTC)Thanks
Date: 2026-04-21 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-21 02:36 am (UTC)The issue for me is that this is the first time seeing this. Obviously, i missed some previous posts?
Since i'm that "older dad" (76)(missing most or all of the issues mentioned (as of yet?)), could i get a link to whatever preceded this?
I've nothing to offer you since my dad died a few years after his triple aneurysm and the thing was much of his work related memory was gone so he did angry if/when it got mentioned to avoid having to deal with it missing. Other than that, he was very quiet and gentle. Mom when in her sleep, as did my inlaws.
Best wishes for dealing with your/dad's issues.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-21 02:48 am (UTC)