10 tablets of calm

[flamingsword]

i have some good advice from a friend today, which is that I should plan a day or two when this is over to just stare off into space or watch Ghibli movies and process. i am now definitely planning on doing that.


for the last week i've been doing the occasional gaspy breathing that signals that my body is building up to having a panic attack. today, when i told the psychiatrist about that, she suggested a short-term prescription for xanax, which i've never taken before, and tbh i'm not sure i will even take all of them, since there's no way to tell my normal bainweirds from the brainweird-side-effects that you're supposed to tell a doctor about. but it's still probably better than having a fucking panic attack? so i'll probably take some of them, especially bc i've got shit to do. if you have any advice about this, i'm all ears.

the room is now about a day away from being packed up, then we'll just have to tackle the stuff Bat had in the living room, his car which needs to be cleaned out and inspected, and the storage unit which we will be tackling as a largeish group even if I have to a: actually trash-talk people, and 2: get my people to help with it the way we did when we moved and packed the damn thing.

i'm going to be taking care of stuff around the house in a minute until the delta-8 kicks in and my shoulders start to relax, and then i'll take a shower and ... probably do some more laundry. Bat's roommate and I were going to split doing the laundry, but she also has fibromyalgia and has it worse than me, since she's been flaring as much as she hasn't been the last couple weeks while emotionally overwhelmed and trying to pack to move out of state. it's all a big fucking yikes around here.

luck to everyone; love y'all.

Comments

[ex_flameandsong751]

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor.

HOKAY SO I was on benzos for a few years [yes, years, which shouldn't have been a thing] and I was tiered up from Klonopin to Ativan to Xanax. I'm... surprised they gave you Xanax which is on the "holy shit" end of benzos. So my suggestion to you is if there's a way to safely split the pill in half, I would actually suggest taking half rather than the full dose because my personal experience with Xanax, and that of several other people I know, is it will knock you on your ass. If it doesn't just make you pass out and you're actually awake, consider yourself fucked to do much of anything the rest of the day, so it would definitely be a time for watching Ghibli movies and staring at the wall, don't drive, don't operate machinery/cook/etc ad nauseam. Again, I'm not a doctor, but Xanax is some heavy shit.

I'm sorry that the panic is happening. I HATE panic attacks so much. Please take care of yourself.

[flamingsword]

I think the psych might be reasoning that that since I’m already on 4 * 300mg gabapentin a day, the fact that I’m working up to panic attacks over and above that calls for more stringent measures. But she’s giving me the lowest dose and the internet says it’s a breakable tablet, so I will be doing half doses to start, bc that’s a good idea, so thanks. If it really doesn’t work for me at that dose, which I doubt, then and only then will I move up to whole tablets.

But yeah, if my brain has more things to do than I have memory slots to put them in, I get this subtle but ongoing low-grade freak out. And the longer it goes on the more likely I am to have it turn critical.

[ex_flameandsong751]

OK, that makes sense why the psych put you on Xanax and not something less heavy like Ativan. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid a critical mass, the low-grade ongoing freakouts are bad enough [speaking from experience].

[flamingsword]

🤦🤦🤦 I took half of one of the .25 mg this afternoon after getting home and it did jack shit! I approached this so carefully just for it to be one of the meds that may not even work on me. 😅😂😭

*orz*

[ex_flameandsong751]

OH NO 😂

[sabotabby]

*hugs*

[flamingsword]

💜🐈‍⬛🍵

[princessofgeeks]

Xanax is awesome. Hope it helps you.

hang in there.

[flamingsword]

I have every intention of hanging onto this shaky tree branch, like the proverbial kitten. I just want it to not collapse under me!

I hope the Xanax is useful bc I don’t enjoy a lot of what other folks consider the awesome part of euphoriants. I will just stick with the “mild sense of calm” the psych reported.

[flamingsword]

In other news, I am sad to report that taking half of the .25 dose does … nothing so far as I can tell?

[princessofgeeks]

Well, that is really a tiny amount. May be too little to have any effect at all. Everyone is different.

Good luck!