Snowflakes and hitting multiple targets with one projectile

[flamingsword]

So it is Monday, and I am supposed to do my therapy journal today. But it is also an odd-numbered day in January, so there’s a Snowflake challenge today about setting goals, themes, or plans for the year. I can do that.

I think my therapy theme for this year is “I am not at home to relationships that do not serve me”. My relationship with money, my relationship with my dad, my relationship to people who want me to chase after their attention - these things do not serve my interest in taking care of myself, and they will be changed until they no longer resemble time sinks with little reward.

My life theme for this year will be “awkward, brave, and kind”, to steal some inspiration from Brené Brown, my muse, my heart. This year I want to make friends with difficult conversations, with awkward pauses while I think things over, with brave conversations where I tell friends, “hey, I don’t think I can sign on for this, it doesn’t feel right.”

My goals are to finish making Ghost’s bathrobe, make 3 pairs of socks, and finish 3 large knitting projects.

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5 feelings I felt today: anger, helplessness, doubt, stress, physical discomfort

Today I felt anger because I thought I missed my bloodwork appointment and will have to reschedule.
Today I felt helplessness because I thought surely the American medical system can get me a rheumatologist appointment before April, but no.
Today I felt doubt because I thought that the friend who did the toxic thing with his ex might have lied to me and I would have no way to know.
Today I felt stress because I thought I could do 7 things today, but no. My limit seems to be 4 today.
Today I felt physical discomfort because I thought that putting off the oophorectomy until I had the next ovarian cyst was necessary to get my doctor to believe me and refer me to a surgeon. And now I still have periods. Boo.

Comments

[ex_flameandsong751]

I thought surely the American medical system can get me a rheumatologist appointment before April, but no.

OH BOO, THAT SUCKS HARD.

[flamingsword]

It does suck hard, and I have a choice to make. Do I make the appointment as referred, or do I call all the places, do my own research , and go back to my PCP and say “this practice has an appointment available at the end of February; you’re referring me there.” Cause, like, that is a whole day’s spoons, but I CAN technically do that, it just might require the coffee&decongestant hack to get my brain to work doing something so soul-crushing as facing constant disappointment and going back to the search over and over.

*shrugs*

We’ll see.

[princessofgeeks]

Brene Brown is great.

[flamingsword]

She’s so … real.

[sabethea]

Ugh, much empathy with the ovarian cysts. They’re no fun. I’m currently playing “is it a cyst or is it colonitis?” at the moment, after deciding to keep my ovaries despite a tendency to cysts because of the fear of brittle bones if I had them removed when I had a hysterectomy. I have such tiny bones anyway that it wouldn’t take much to break me, so I was scared. But then I get pain like this and wonder if I made the wrong decision.

(Not having periods is officially amazing, though. Sorry. I hope you get there soon. I definitely recommend hysterectomies…)

[chemicalcain]

Boo indeed. I hope you get the surgery referral you need soon, and best of luck with the rheumatologist. I've heard of longer waits, but 3 months is a long wait when you're in pain.

[silk_dragon_zen]

All what everyone above said. Yeah, ovarian cysts are awful: for us they've been a bleeding (in both senses of that word) nightmare and eventually almost cancerous, so yeah hope you can get relief soon 💜

— Sage