incipient mania
Sep. 3rd, 2004 11:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordI've been sleeping (hah!) daylight hours for a while now, which means two things: 1: I've been getting enough sleep that I'm not getting sick, however 2: I've been woken from sleep so many time by the telephone (cursed telemarketers) that I haven't gotten any REM sleep in days. Molly says I'm acting like my old self again. :) heh. I wonder if I should tell her why that is.
I had forgotten that I used to abuse borderline insanity like a drug. I'll have to post instructions on how to do that, and see if my results can be duplicated. Everything is disjointed, all over the map, consciousness strewn out on the ground like lost marbles. Wheee . . .
http://www.rhfweb.com/adleyemfe.html
Ok, this is new. I've never found people this articulate before on the same crazy ideas I have.
http://www.ingenta.com/isis/searching/Expand/ingenta?pub=infobike://klu/cmot/2004/00000010/00000001/05273174
The question is: do I want to go back to conspiracy-theorist mode? It's a fine line to walk between being passionately interested in understanding the shape of business, politics, and paradigms of control and passionate nausea of how people lie, mislead, and endanger other people for money. Sometimes I lose that line. I usually get scary crazy before going numb and leaving it alone. I may have the kind of mind that can see in terms of propaganda and mass manipulation, but I don't have the fortitude to deal with it. And I don't know how to develop the mental fortitude.
Clever people find new ways of using how the mind works against the minds of those oblivious to it. And it's bad for everyone concerned, for victor and victim to be trapped in this relationship, and I don't know how to explain closed-system mathematics in social terms to get the big brother types to see that they live in the world they're creating badly. As a tenant here in this world, I have to help fix this. And I wish I could just hand this off to someone else who already knows how to deal, but I can't because seeing it happening makes me responsible.
non scholæ sed vitæ discimus
"we do not learn for school, but for life"
[Seneca]
I love you, Uncle Seneca. I'm sorry your life was so shitty, but you did the best you could with what you had, and I miss you. I could use a bit of stoicism right now.
I had forgotten that I used to abuse borderline insanity like a drug. I'll have to post instructions on how to do that, and see if my results can be duplicated. Everything is disjointed, all over the map, consciousness strewn out on the ground like lost marbles. Wheee . . .
http://www.rhfweb.com/adleyemfe.html
Ok, this is new. I've never found people this articulate before on the same crazy ideas I have.
http://www.ingenta.com/isis/searching/Expand/ingenta?pub=infobike://klu/cmot/2004/00000010/00000001/05273174
The question is: do I want to go back to conspiracy-theorist mode? It's a fine line to walk between being passionately interested in understanding the shape of business, politics, and paradigms of control and passionate nausea of how people lie, mislead, and endanger other people for money. Sometimes I lose that line. I usually get scary crazy before going numb and leaving it alone. I may have the kind of mind that can see in terms of propaganda and mass manipulation, but I don't have the fortitude to deal with it. And I don't know how to develop the mental fortitude.
Clever people find new ways of using how the mind works against the minds of those oblivious to it. And it's bad for everyone concerned, for victor and victim to be trapped in this relationship, and I don't know how to explain closed-system mathematics in social terms to get the big brother types to see that they live in the world they're creating badly. As a tenant here in this world, I have to help fix this. And I wish I could just hand this off to someone else who already knows how to deal, but I can't because seeing it happening makes me responsible.
non scholæ sed vitæ discimus
"we do not learn for school, but for life"
[Seneca]
I love you, Uncle Seneca. I'm sorry your life was so shitty, but you did the best you could with what you had, and I miss you. I could use a bit of stoicism right now.
