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flamingswordMarsha Linehan of the University of Washington developed a treatment called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. In it, she identified three important aspects of effective communication that can serve as a helpful format for improving communication skills. She called these "interpersonal effectiveness skills" and identified three different types of effectiveness: objective effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, and self-respect effectiveness. The information in this tool was adapted from Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (Linehan, 1991)
Objective effectiveness refers to obtaining your objective, getting what you want or need in a given situation. Many people have legitimate wants or needs; however they simply go about achieving them in ineffective ways when overcome with intense emotions. That is, their goals are fine, but the way they go about getting what they want doesn't work.
Describe a need or want that you have now: _____
Now, answer these questions:
What do I really want?
In the past, what things have I tried that didn't work to get what I want?
What were the results of my attempts?
What would be the worst way to go about getting what I want? What would make it least likely?
What would be the best way?
Relationship effectiveness is the art of maintaining or improving relationships while you are attempting to get what you want or need. Think back to the relationship cycles in which you examined how your behavior affected someone else. Maintaining relationships effectively requires that you act in a way that influences others to like you while you are attempting to get what you want.
Relationships I have lost or damaged by acting ineffectively while attempting to get what I want or need include: _____
Some of the behaviors that were ineffective were: _____
Behaviors that may be more effective that I might try next time are: _____
Self-respect effectiveness involves maintaining good feelings about yourself while going about getting what you want or need. As previously discussed, all humans act less rationally and demonstrate less self control when their emotions are running high. People who find themselves in difficult or unhealthy situations often struggle with self esteem issues to begin with. Then, when they get emotional and do or say something they regret later, it reinforces unhealthy core beliefs such as "I am bad" or "I can't do anything right." Self-respect effectiveness allows us to go about trying to get what we want in a way that we will feel good about and respect ourselves when the interaction is over, regardless of whether we achieved our objective.
One time I felt guilty or lost respect for myself after an argument with someone I cared about was _____
Things I did or said in that altercation which contributed to losing respect for myself were _____
How do I want to feel about myself after my next confrontation with a loved one?
Things I do or say differently that might help me feel better about myself might be _____
[Adapted from The CBT Workbook by Jeff Riggenbach]
Objective effectiveness refers to obtaining your objective, getting what you want or need in a given situation. Many people have legitimate wants or needs; however they simply go about achieving them in ineffective ways when overcome with intense emotions. That is, their goals are fine, but the way they go about getting what they want doesn't work.
Describe a need or want that you have now: _____
Now, answer these questions:
What do I really want?
In the past, what things have I tried that didn't work to get what I want?
What were the results of my attempts?
What would be the worst way to go about getting what I want? What would make it least likely?
What would be the best way?
Relationship effectiveness is the art of maintaining or improving relationships while you are attempting to get what you want or need. Think back to the relationship cycles in which you examined how your behavior affected someone else. Maintaining relationships effectively requires that you act in a way that influences others to like you while you are attempting to get what you want.
Relationships I have lost or damaged by acting ineffectively while attempting to get what I want or need include: _____
Some of the behaviors that were ineffective were: _____
Behaviors that may be more effective that I might try next time are: _____
Self-respect effectiveness involves maintaining good feelings about yourself while going about getting what you want or need. As previously discussed, all humans act less rationally and demonstrate less self control when their emotions are running high. People who find themselves in difficult or unhealthy situations often struggle with self esteem issues to begin with. Then, when they get emotional and do or say something they regret later, it reinforces unhealthy core beliefs such as "I am bad" or "I can't do anything right." Self-respect effectiveness allows us to go about trying to get what we want in a way that we will feel good about and respect ourselves when the interaction is over, regardless of whether we achieved our objective.
One time I felt guilty or lost respect for myself after an argument with someone I cared about was _____
Things I did or said in that altercation which contributed to losing respect for myself were _____
How do I want to feel about myself after my next confrontation with a loved one?
Things I do or say differently that might help me feel better about myself might be _____
[Adapted from The CBT Workbook by Jeff Riggenbach]
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Date: 2019-10-10 04:26 pm (UTC)My provider has a DBT group using said tools, and the first skill that fell into my mind when you sid the interpersonal affectivenes was DEARMAN...which is the skill you use when your objective is the thing you prioritize most. ... there are others under that for relationship and self-respect. I feel like there's enough information in this comment already, though.
-T~