This station is temporarily unavailable

I tried to turn my feelings back on this evening and got static and those color bars that TVs make when a station is off the air. If that even stills happens anymore.

Exercises in grief

It feels like it should be possible to grieve for a couple of hours a day and then turn my feelings off so that I can get things done. But turning them back on is apparently the hard part right now? My brain doesn’t trust me to be safe about grief. So I’m going to think carefully around the edges of this sinkhole in myself, and gently allow my attention to come to the edge. Maybe next post I’ll take my socks and shoes off, let my feet hang into it to feel the chill of the breeze whistling down into this loss of my stable bedrock. ( feeling my way towards my feelings )