Jan. 1st, 2019

flamingsword: Tiny!Steve captioned Bad Body Day (Bad Body Day)
A few months ago I resolved to take human attractiveness out of the things I notice or think about. I want to not judge people based on how many spoons and dollars they have to spend to fit into a classist, racist ideal. And the cool thing about my brain is that I can do that.

I can starve pathways of reinforcement until they fail to dominate my narratives. I can let them atrophy until I forget what doing that and feeling that were like. Yay for autism and trauma as superpowers!

I don't feel like I receive any value from feeling attraction to people; I don't feel like it's something I need to know about myself or other people; it's not useful information. It's an old heuristic from childhood that gets in the way of seeing people more than it tells me about them. So I'm just gonna dumpster it. See how that goes and reevaluate in another six months or so.

If you think I am making a terrible mistake, feel free to tell me in comments.
flamingsword: “in my defense, I was left unsupervised” (Default)


Day 1

In your own space, talk about your Happy Place - the things that give you joy, calms you or keeps you sane. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I do meditations on what I feel gratitude for that remind me that I and the things I have built are strong and can weather political storms and personal crises. It brings me a ground-into-the-bone deep satisfaction that I can take the bullshit thrown at me by a world full of uncertainty and still find ways to float, moments to surf on the heaving waves of chaos.

I have smells to smell and silky things to wear and feel against my skin. I have the kind of self care things that are a last resort for days when I cant with anything anymore, but I also have a community of friends and like-minded kinfolk here and on Slack to lean on and ask for advice before I ever start to wobble mentally. We built that together. People wanted me to be part of the network that keeps them steady, and I get to help them where I can. It's awesome to feel this connected. I never thought I could do this or have this, always so sure that I would fuck it up.

And I have. But people corrected me, and I apologized, and then we worked to fix the problems causing people to fuck up that way. And now we have this ... I don't even know what to call it. A tribe? A village? A family? This network of people all trying to make each other succeed. I haven't had anything like it before.

But I am really glad I got the chance to be this person with all of you.
flamingsword: Sun on snowy conifers (Sun on snow)
Things I like to talk about: stuff that I’m curious about or that is counterintuitive, therapy stuff, earworms, kvetching about stuff I'm reading (or, rarely, writing), and occasionally raving about fic recs and links. Sometimes I write out my thoughts-naming meditation or something about my weird brand of secular paganism, but those are pretty rare at the moment.

Comments are welcome here, and I will try to reply unless you are probably trolling. As long as you apologize when you hurt someone then we're cool. If all you want to say is a heart/emoji, that's cool, too! If you need cuts with trigger warnings? Please let me know … unless you want me to trigger warn for parts of my identity like the word “queer”. Just. No. I like having company over and want you to feel safe here, but I have to feel safe here, too.

As someone whose body does not always work like it says on the label, I’m no longer putting processing/whining/complaining about that behind a cut. I saw a tumblr post a while back that said one reason abled people are so bad at interacting with disabled people is because we’re kept to the margins as much as possible. That folks don’t have to interact with us very often, so they don’t get enough practice to be good at it - and that is to everyone’s detriment.

Fandom stuff: I don’t write on AO3 much anymore, but! I'm currently into DC Batfamily crack, and I bookmark some fun and spicy things! A couple years ago Star Wars ate my brain, but I seem to be doing fine in its absence, so who needs brains, really? The fandoms I'm mostly not in anymore where you may have seen my comments include: The MCU, Leverage, The Witcher, The Good Place, Daredevil, Star Trek: AOS, Smallville, X-Men, Stargates SG1 and Atlantis, Teen Wolf, The Losers, and random comments on your musicals and 80's movies fics. (I will sadly no longer be reading Harry Potter or Good Omens fics, for terrible-people-can-suck-a-lemon reasons.)

If someone on DreamWidth OR AO3 is harassing you or doing you a microaggression, drop me a DM? As a white anti-racist ally, an antifascist, and a person who believes in the power of weaponized empathy, I need more practice having uncomfortable conversations with people who need to be gently informed what consequences their actions may be having for themselves and the people they are (hopefully unwittingly) hurting. Or! I can talk smack about the people upsetting you and write insulting haiku about them until you feel validated and can process the bad-feels. Whatever you need, I'm gonna try to be there for that. I take the bonds of community seriously.

FANWORKS POLICY: I do not give permission for my words or works to be fed into an LLM or AI training of any kind. Other than that caveat, if you want to podfic, remix, translate, make fanart, or in any way transform any of my fan works, you go right ahead! Link me!

I do SPAG and basic beta reading, too. Just PM me.

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flamingsword: “in my defense, I was left unsupervised” (Default)
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