Bad cultural habits and fandom

I'm reading a fic, which shall remain nameless, and some of the things characters do and say to their friends and loved ones are casually abusive. And I am just thinking about how normalized it is in our culture to tell people to shut up or to treat them like their emotional safety is not a consideration, enough that a writer doesn't even realize what it is giving away about them that their characters all treat each other this way.

We can't write characters that don't reflect experiences we haven't had or simulated having. And growing up with a background of abuse, it would be hard to imagine a character from a background so radically different. Normativity is possibly the root of all evil.

Edit to add: And another thing! Reflexive sexism in characters who are canonically feminist is a characterization issue. I may have to track this person down so I can talk to them about this in a nonpublic venue. It's getting egregious.