The Usual Error

I am out of practice arguing. That's the takeaway I am getting from reading The Usual Error, a book on miscommunications and how to fix them. Most things in the book that talk about arguments or hurt feelings are reminding me of relationships I had in my twenties, i.e. pre-Ghost. He and I don't really argue, or misunderstand each other much, or get worked up about it when we do. We feel generous and supported and supportive with each other and that's really nicer than anything I've ever had.

That link up there goes to a free e-book, BTW, so take advantage, y'all.

I still wonder how this relationship is going to get screwed up. I never do entirely trust to good things to maintain any sort of permanence in my life. I had to work on my attachment issues and learn to ask for things for this relationship, so it's not like I haven't had to work for this. But it still feels too easy somehow. Like nothing, good or bad, can ever be permanent or even very long-lasting. I had a relationship that was good for eight years, but it was so across several terrible arguments and rough patches. I don't know that I felt more secure in that relationship, but it at least felt like the rules of our relationship were not breaking the world.

I like my life, even though I have trouble lately breaking past the internalized ableism that makes me have to justify my existence in ways I did not used to. I have happiness in my friendships and relationships and my work. And I know, better than most people, how fragile that really is.

I know how fragile we all are, and how easy we are to lose.

I love you guys.