Little Plastic Castles

When I was getting up today, I thought to myself that my feet hurt. And that I was so goddamned stiff. But y'know what? I thought the same thing yesterday. And the day before. I am constantly surprised when my body fails me.

On Monday this week I showed a coworker how to get all the lotion out of the gallon bottle by smacking it on my palm. The other coworker who also has fibro saw my jaw clenching and betrayed whimpering and asked me if I forgot that it was going to hurt if I did that. Which ... pretty much exactly that. After most of a year of being in pain, I am still really bad at remembering that I can't do the stuff I used to. Like, my identity as someone who's this tough badass is so enduring that a year of Pavlovian conditioning is not enough to rewrite my code.

So I don't just resent my body for being disabled. I resent my brain for being so bad at being disabled. I'm going to be taking Wednesdays off starting the 9th of next month, because I need a break in the middle of the week so the fatigue isn't so bad that my end-of-the-week clients are getting crappy massages. To keep my finances from tanking, I'm picking up one Sunday a month. We'll see how this works out.


in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day
i pick up a magazine
which is every magazine
and read a story
then forgot it
right away
they say goldfish got no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time -Ani DiFranco

links for the week 8-22-15

Living Outside is the work of transhuman futurism written by my spouse that I have mentioned to you guys. It's fun and tastes like brainfood.

My Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab scents have their own spreadsheet. Something sound intriguing? Want to request a smelling, or try some of them? I am so down.

Call-In Culture: the better way to manage our responsibility to keep one another honest has been found. Let's spread the cultural standards of verbal aikido and teachable moments.

There is a small amount of hope for lowering methane in the defrosted tundra. Which sounds like a backhanded compliment, but could slow the rate of global warming. Our complexodynamic planet is amazing.