I HAVE BEEN BUSY.

[flamingsword]

If you do not wish to hear the tale of stress and ZOMG CAPSLOCK WOE, you do not have to click here.

On Monday the 18th wizardpen asks re: moving in with aingeal1. I knew this was coming and had already decided to let him if it could be swung financially. It sort of can.
Financial stress levels therefrom are high at the moment. More sorting-out has to happen soon.

On the 21st my dad decides to have a conversation with me via text message. Y'know, the day EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows not to expect me to be rational or nice? He has probably learned better than to do that again. :\

Friday the 22nd things started coming to a head regarding worry about some couples I know heading towards BreakUpLand, and that night there was a misunderstanding with one particular party. Who may still be avoiding me somewhat. I can't tell.

I will not be sharing all the details of the weird health stuff, but after MY HAIR STARTED FALLING OUT on Friday the 29th, I did some research on what causes the sorts of hormone changes and weird pains and symptoms I've got going on. According to wrongdiagnosis.com I probably have either Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or a Gluten Sensitivity. Since Tuesday I have been on the Liver Cleansing Diet and have been avoiding all wheat and gluten-containing everything. It is really not easy, and I have new respect for my friends with Celiac and other autoimmune disorders because THIS SHIT IS JUST NOT ON.

I have lost six pounds in four days. :( It was not water retention, either. :(( The diet makes you hella tired, because even though it is not calorie-restricting, it wears you out to change your metabolism even in relatively small ways. I'm forgoing refined sugar, partially hydrogenated oils, fried foods, dairy products, red meat, and wheat. I am grateful for the existence of hummus, without which I would be begging piteously in the streets for sushi, which I cannot afford. :(((

And now I have to go back to a doctor and convince her to take me seriously and put me on birth control. Which I then have to pay for (see above financial uncertainty).

I've been suppressing the panic over the health stuff admirably, but it comes out in my dreams. When I'm asleep I'm trying to do something important, but one situation after another goes wrong, and nobody listens or helps, and things spiral out of control so that I'm waking up tense and tired. My dreams can shut the hell up. Also, I'm having the angel dreams again. They're beautiful, but never a good sign for my mental health.

And the strain of compartmentalizing is not making it easy to do my job. I'm still being a good therapist by the skin of my teeth, but I can tell I'm not quite as focused or present as I should be, and that bothers me, too.


That is what I have been doing instead of commenting y'all's posts. Things will calm down by the fifteenth, and I promise not to kill anybody or shake people 'til they make sense. But right now I'm a bit on edge.

Comments

[rens-sanctuary.livejournal.com]

-hugs!-

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

*gloms onto you like a needy octopus*

Have FTW!...

[rens-sanctuary.livejournal.com]

[kadairk.livejournal.com]

You are welcome to come over and hang out with me and my fun but weird kids any time. I've got German class Monday and Wednesday, and Free and I may be shifting our date night around this week, but feel free to call or text. We could play Monty Python Fluxx.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Until I am out of the I-feel-prickly-and-out-of-sorts weird body feeling, I'm going to do arts and crafts and talk to people from the safe distance of the phone, where they can be comforting without my getting antsy and clingy. Your kids are probably awesome, but I'm not right now, so I'll wait a bit to make that first meeting. :\

[gonner221.livejournal.com]

I think that you should be able to cut back on certain costs with WP not living there. Clear has a 1.0 Mbps for around $30 with fees. Without the major downloading (or excessive WoW playing), that will suffice for email, etc. Other ppl might chime in with other cost saving measures...

[gonner221.livejournal.com]

Also, this always seems to cheer you up.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

You are my BFF for a reason. :)

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

I'm here, okay? And I can recommend recipes and flour substitutions if it turns out to be gluten that's the problem.

I'M HERE.

What can I do?

comforting thoughts

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I'm going to be looking through delicious links on gluten-free foods before I go shopping this week, and if the weight loss thing continues, I'm going to be very hot very soon. So that's nice.

And maybe moaning on the phone since I ran out of text messages and had to pay $30 of overage charges for December. >:[ But I like to hear people's voices more, anyway.

When's a good time to call you?

Re: comforting thoughts

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? You're...blast time zones, an hour behind, aren't you? I get out of class at 2:30 my time and have a break until five.

Re: comforting thoughts

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I work 1pm to 6pm central, so I'll be working tomorrow until you're off that break. If I have a cancellation or long break in the schedule I may dial you up.

Re: comforting thoughts

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

I would love to hear from you!

[musikdreemer.livejournal.com]

*hugs* sorry that so much seems to be going on in your court right now, but if you want/need to talk to someone with PCOS i am here for you. that is what i have and i have been on medication for it for about a little over 2 years now. it really isn't as big a deal as a lot of people make it out to be.

you should have my number, but if not, message me here or on fb and i'll send it to you.

[ak47jack.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry flamingsword. You sound like you're having the worst of times. Consider yourself hugged in the most good and comforting way possible.

Needless prognosis, because that's the male thing thing to do (tm)? Spend some time somewhere away from your problems. Leave them all behind and spend some time outside yourself. That's what I always do. Find solitude in nature. Meditate next to a bubbling stream far enough away from civilization that you can't even strain to hear it. And try to avoid the fire ants. Those will make the experience suck. :)

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Nature is currently freezing, but I will take your advice in the spirit in which it was meant. I could do with some retreat to unpack the emotional baggage, but time to do so and space in which - those are going to be tricky.

I live amidst urban sprawl the way only Texas can do it. GoogleMaps DFW and you'll see what I'm talking about.

[rens-sanctuary.livejournal.com]

Hey, you should check your gmail, I sent you an email asking for your address. :)

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I get my comment notifications on gmail, so I got both of these at the same time.

[kohagal.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry things aren't good for you right now. Take it easy and try to relax. Crafting always helps me stay calm.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I have been making necklaces. Maybe I should switch to bracelets for a while. I need a day of actualfacts sunlight to use the lightbox and take pictures soI can put things up on Etsy.

[kohagal.livejournal.com]

Oooo! What is your Etsy shop? I might be interested in purchasing something. :-D

[jslorentz.livejournal.com]

[hugs!] I know you and I've never talked much on the phone, but you've got the number if you ever need to talk.

[numb3r-5ev3n.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It sounds like there is a lot on your plate right now, physically, emotionally, and socially. Hang in there!