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[flamingsword]

Six of us saw Twilight on Sunday night. It wasn't as bad as I'd hoped it would be. :( The characterization is still hilariously bad, but apparently the screenwriter edited some of the antifeminist attitudes out. That's probably a good thing, and this may be one of those rare times when the movie is better than the book. GLITTERY MONSTERS! How can that level of epic fail not be entertaining? 4SRS.

In the quest for self-knowledge, I have figured out that I have thoughts about things other people have feelings and beliefs about. Feelings for most people are very definite, almost binary. They must rarely take three or four feelings and experience them all together. In fact it's so rare that they have words like 'ambivalent' just to express that they feel more than one way, because apparently that's abnormal. Which I just figured out. :\

Tell me of your feelings, flist. How many do you generally have on x subject? In t amount of time will your feelings change by y amount? Let's graph this out so that I can get a handle on it. Screw XKCD, I will use math to figure this out.

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everything helps

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

See I can analyze things outside my head all day, but the inside of my headspace is a bit like a B-movie haunted house, all empty unlit rooms with hidden panels, pointless halls of locked doors, unexpected pit-traps. The emotions in polar conflict with each other is familiar, but then there's the ones that aren't on the same spectrum at all. When I used to get in fights there was the rage at the person, rage at myself for caring, joy of freedom to be what I was, fear of consequences, and the background hiss of despair that never went away.

It takes a long time for me to feel out the edges of these things and how they intersect, like other people have nightvision that works inside their heads like mine works outside. I'm still percolating the idea, but soon I should have a new behavioral model that actually applies to me and people over on this side of the bell curve. I have some concepts that make it most of the way but don't get it all, and it's crazymaking.