last night during cicle
Jan. 9th, 2005 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordCircle is what we call coven meetings, and last night during circle we were doing a guided meditation on the habits that we have that we no longer need.
The big thing that occurred to me was that I still don't talk about what really happened or how it affected me when my brother died. A lot of my memories were glossed over and Victorianized in talking about them with other people, and that doesn't let the poison out.
Noone knows the full story, not even my mom. But the sixteen year anniversary is coming up. I think it's time.
And while I'm at it I should stop dealing with painful issues by not thinking about them or pretending that they weren't that bad. I'm strong enough now, stable enough to say, "yes, it really was just that bad, but I'm still here and I'm still me and dammit I will not be afraid anymore."
People die, things get screwed up. Life hurts you, and all you can do is take it and limit it's opportunities to hurt you more. But too many limits is no way to live. So sometimes you get bulldozed during circle to show you that you need to reevaluate those limitations you thought you wanted.
The big thing that occurred to me was that I still don't talk about what really happened or how it affected me when my brother died. A lot of my memories were glossed over and Victorianized in talking about them with other people, and that doesn't let the poison out.
Noone knows the full story, not even my mom. But the sixteen year anniversary is coming up. I think it's time.
And while I'm at it I should stop dealing with painful issues by not thinking about them or pretending that they weren't that bad. I'm strong enough now, stable enough to say, "yes, it really was just that bad, but I'm still here and I'm still me and dammit I will not be afraid anymore."
People die, things get screwed up. Life hurts you, and all you can do is take it and limit it's opportunities to hurt you more. But too many limits is no way to live. So sometimes you get bulldozed during circle to show you that you need to reevaluate those limitations you thought you wanted.
