Small paradigm, big shift.

[flamingsword]

I have finally figured out the repressive, normative impulse in people who do not themselves fall within the norm. It frustrated me for the longest time that I could not figure out why the over achievers and some of the freaks would exert pressure and punish other people for being outside the norm in the same ways that they themselves are. They want to be special. THAT'S IT. They are assholes to people they could otherwise identify with, connect with, so that they can feel important. I liked a lot of those people for who they were, and tried to reach out to them, but my unashamed deviance seemed to repulse them even when they were the same way, because they didn't feel special. They didn't understand the unique nature of each spirit, the unavoidable distinction between any similar things.

This is it. This is (I hope) the last really big piece of human nature that I never had part of, and never understood. I've always been able to tell the difference between myself and other people, always known that the self was inviolable, inimitable. But I knew that because I grew up energy sensitive, and most people didn't. Maybe now I can do this being-human thing, live in this world and know what it's like for others.

I would not even have figured this out yet if it were not for the TV show Heroes, and the character Sylar who represents this paradigm at it's most extreme. But in a less dramatic form, it is present in so many people I have had contact with all my life.

I'm sort of stunned at the magnitude of implication. I'm going to be re-writing my social interaction protocols for a fucking week.

Comments

[maeritrae.livejournal.com]

I kinda love you for this post. It makes so much sense. I don't know a lot of people like that, but the ones I do have never really made sense.