reject the taboo
Feb. 18th, 2006 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordWe humans are stupid. We've let other people lead us to believe that it is bad to touch each other, and all sorts of problems have arisen from the divides between people.
Distance between people causes a lack of sympathy. It's easier to marginalize and demonize people when you've never touched. After all, when was the last time you saw a CEO shake hands with the homeless person whose shanty his company has just displaced? And what would happen to both persons if they did shake hands? Assuming only normal levels of greed and avarice, the CEO would be tempted to not casually rearrange the world in a way that makes him responsible for the misery of another. He may not do anything about it this time, but he will next time. But when you are insulated from the effects you create, you're also insulated against the truth. We want to be protected from the truth, why exactly?
Distance lets us not deal with the flawed reality of other people. We're operating on assumptions about how people tend to act rather than on observed data; in such cases firsthand knowledge is better. Instead of learning about other people by touching their lives and becoming empowered, we let ourselves become despairing - like the normal function of humans is supposed to be some mathematically perfect shape rather than the artistic amoeba-like sprawl that it usually is. We're constantly disappointed that what we've been led to believe isn't the whole truth, and rather than getting mad that we were misled, and pro-actively getting educated, we resent the truth and the people for disappointing us. Does that seem right to you?
Distance causes you to expect conformity and ease-of-use. Because you're all trying so hard to fit together a certain way, because you're so focused on scraping off your curves so we all fit into the square hole, you expect other people to be doing it, too. And when someone unapologetically round comes by and challenges your preconceptions and makes you work for it, you get all panties-a'twist. Because you want to think it's easier to grind yourselves down than to figure out how to connect. Touching isn't that hard, and it's a lot less painful than making yourself something you're not in the hopes of getting along with people you can't really get to know because they're holding to a shape that isn't right for them.
Distance lets us not be immunized by the contact with other people. We've been lead to believe that autonomy can be so easily submerged into group experience that in order to stay who we are we have to keep away from factors that will dilute or infect us. So we don't bother to build up our sense of self, and it leaves us weak, with very obvious psychological backdoors that the ruthless can exploit. Because we're built along the same lines we're all weak in the same places, and maybe if we weren't it would be harder for people to take advantage of that, maybe? I hope so.
Touching physically is a signal to ourselves that amiable interaction and respect can be had with whoever we're touching. When you believe it means other things, all kinds of instinctive protocols go offline. Your brain is part of your body, and the influence factors work both ways. So we need to let ourselves touch and be touched, and we need to get educated on who other people are and what they're really like. We need to get angry and throw away the part of our upbringing that says it's weird and wrong to want to touch, and replace it with something warmer and more human.
Distance between people causes a lack of sympathy. It's easier to marginalize and demonize people when you've never touched. After all, when was the last time you saw a CEO shake hands with the homeless person whose shanty his company has just displaced? And what would happen to both persons if they did shake hands? Assuming only normal levels of greed and avarice, the CEO would be tempted to not casually rearrange the world in a way that makes him responsible for the misery of another. He may not do anything about it this time, but he will next time. But when you are insulated from the effects you create, you're also insulated against the truth. We want to be protected from the truth, why exactly?
Distance lets us not deal with the flawed reality of other people. We're operating on assumptions about how people tend to act rather than on observed data; in such cases firsthand knowledge is better. Instead of learning about other people by touching their lives and becoming empowered, we let ourselves become despairing - like the normal function of humans is supposed to be some mathematically perfect shape rather than the artistic amoeba-like sprawl that it usually is. We're constantly disappointed that what we've been led to believe isn't the whole truth, and rather than getting mad that we were misled, and pro-actively getting educated, we resent the truth and the people for disappointing us. Does that seem right to you?
Distance causes you to expect conformity and ease-of-use. Because you're all trying so hard to fit together a certain way, because you're so focused on scraping off your curves so we all fit into the square hole, you expect other people to be doing it, too. And when someone unapologetically round comes by and challenges your preconceptions and makes you work for it, you get all panties-a'twist. Because you want to think it's easier to grind yourselves down than to figure out how to connect. Touching isn't that hard, and it's a lot less painful than making yourself something you're not in the hopes of getting along with people you can't really get to know because they're holding to a shape that isn't right for them.
Distance lets us not be immunized by the contact with other people. We've been lead to believe that autonomy can be so easily submerged into group experience that in order to stay who we are we have to keep away from factors that will dilute or infect us. So we don't bother to build up our sense of self, and it leaves us weak, with very obvious psychological backdoors that the ruthless can exploit. Because we're built along the same lines we're all weak in the same places, and maybe if we weren't it would be harder for people to take advantage of that, maybe? I hope so.
Touching physically is a signal to ourselves that amiable interaction and respect can be had with whoever we're touching. When you believe it means other things, all kinds of instinctive protocols go offline. Your brain is part of your body, and the influence factors work both ways. So we need to let ourselves touch and be touched, and we need to get educated on who other people are and what they're really like. We need to get angry and throw away the part of our upbringing that says it's weird and wrong to want to touch, and replace it with something warmer and more human.
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-19 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-19 02:52 pm (UTC)I think your post makes a valid point about empathy (or lack thereof), but it coat-tails other sentiments that aren't necessarily contiguous.
Being a physically tactile person isn't a bad thing, but expecting the world to share your personal proclivities and revel in them is as thoughtless as the CEO razing the projects. If you want physical contact with me, and I do not want physical contact with you, I don't feel that I should lay aside my personal tendencies in favor of yours. You aren't wrong for wanting contact, but conversely, I am not wrong for not wanting it.
It isn't unnatural for creatures to put a buffer area around them. Otherwise, more folks would be petting sharks and kodiaks. And, honestly, the angle of this post makes it sound like having a "slow to warm" personality is some kind of mental disorder...
True, but
Date: 2006-02-19 05:05 pm (UTC)My ex liked more contact, but also didn't expressthat fact, which caused problems in the relationship. I personally think that we need to be more communicative about how much contact we need, and more tolerant of those who need more contact or less contact than we personally require.
I'm in a good contact space right now, because I just spent three days with a friend who is very touchy feely, and so we spent a lot of time in physical contact with each other. I wish to get more friends who are that contact oriented.