(no subject)
Jan. 13th, 2006 04:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordI have some form of Ick, and I do not at all feel like dealing today. But I sort of have to. And I don't like taking sick days, but taking sick days and not getting anything done at all is worse.
The engine has a loose belt or some such because it's making a rhythmic squeaking noise like a badly oiled hamster wheel. So that needs fixing and I'd like price and time estimates before I do something about that. And new brake pads. And I need to clean the floor in the spots where there are new stains. And I need a bath. And I need to figure out a financial forecast for this year. And I need to feel out some divinatory stuff for relationship possibilities, because we're having our first real conflict in the polyamorous relationship. And everyone is being relatively mature, but none of us have much experience at this, so it's uncertain, and I'm the only person in this relationship that doesn't get wiggedy over uncertainty. I rely on it. It's odd to me that for as well as I can know some people, I can still be something so qualitatively different.
I had a bad day a few weeks ago. I had a night of nightmares and uneasy dreams, and that's pretty rare. I was shook. But not as shaky as I was later that tired, out-of-sorts day when I was in the break room watching another therapist sort through her tips and felt this sort of insulted, sick-to-my stomach feeling that she had something I didn't. I remember this feeling from a long time ago, when I was little, and I guess it's jealousy. Or envy, maybe. But whatever it was, it's a gross thing and I felt violently ill because of it, and I'm so glad that seems to be an event more rare than rainbows and car crashes and winning the lottery. As much as I may complain that some things are made harder for me because I'm so abnormal, I also that the gods that some things aren't problems at all. I don't know how you guys live with that shit. I boggle at the concept.
The engine has a loose belt or some such because it's making a rhythmic squeaking noise like a badly oiled hamster wheel. So that needs fixing and I'd like price and time estimates before I do something about that. And new brake pads. And I need to clean the floor in the spots where there are new stains. And I need a bath. And I need to figure out a financial forecast for this year. And I need to feel out some divinatory stuff for relationship possibilities, because we're having our first real conflict in the polyamorous relationship. And everyone is being relatively mature, but none of us have much experience at this, so it's uncertain, and I'm the only person in this relationship that doesn't get wiggedy over uncertainty. I rely on it. It's odd to me that for as well as I can know some people, I can still be something so qualitatively different.
I had a bad day a few weeks ago. I had a night of nightmares and uneasy dreams, and that's pretty rare. I was shook. But not as shaky as I was later that tired, out-of-sorts day when I was in the break room watching another therapist sort through her tips and felt this sort of insulted, sick-to-my stomach feeling that she had something I didn't. I remember this feeling from a long time ago, when I was little, and I guess it's jealousy. Or envy, maybe. But whatever it was, it's a gross thing and I felt violently ill because of it, and I'm so glad that seems to be an event more rare than rainbows and car crashes and winning the lottery. As much as I may complain that some things are made harder for me because I'm so abnormal, I also that the gods that some things aren't problems at all. I don't know how you guys live with that shit. I boggle at the concept.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:51 pm (UTC)