Attraction has rules?
Oct. 16th, 2024 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordTalking to son0fether tonight and words fell out of my face: “I’m still not sure what to do with people being attracted to my body, or finding me interesting bc of a physical attraction. To me, bodies are the least interesting thing about a person. Maybe that’s a professional hazard?” And like, I see a lot of people’s bodies being a massage therapist, so bodies are kind of interesting but largely in professional ways.
Do they stand hipshot and need trigger point work on their abductors and hip flexors? Is their low back pain coming from psoas or are the QLs messed up? Etc., etc.. But beyond solving bodies like puzzles, they’re not … sexual, I guess? Not very attention-grabbing. People can be pretty but I don’t want to bone people bc they are pretty. I mostly just want to wrap pretty folk in blanket burritos and feed them soup outside the gaze of a world that hungers for beauty but doesn’t respect it. Prizes it but doesn’t dignify it. (I remember what that was like, and it was shitty, being 23 and cute. It was marginally better than being ugly, but it was still fucking dehumanizing.)
And I know I’m probably demisexual in that I’m never attracted sexually to people I don’t know, but I think it’s more than that. I think I might be gray ace or in the ace spectrum? I’m not sex repulsed but it is generally something I do for people who want it, to show them that I love them. I don’t really have desires for sex that are not filled beyond capacity with taking care of others. I may need to go do some reading on this.
I just wanted to dump my thoughts out somewhere so I don’t overidentify with something new to the point that I forget to look for ways in which it is inaccurate for me. Now to go look up websites, I guess?
son0fether tonight and words fell out of my face: “I’m still not sure what to do with people being attracted to my body, or finding me interesting bc of a physical attraction. To me, bodies are the least interesting thing about a person. Maybe that’s a professional hazard?” And like, I see a lot of people’s bodies being a massage therapist, so bodies are kind of interesting but largely in professional ways. Do they stand hipshot and need trigger point work on their abductors and hip flexors? Is their low back pain coming from psoas or are the QLs messed up? Etc., etc.. But beyond solving bodies like puzzles, they’re not … sexual, I guess? Not very attention-grabbing. People can be pretty but I don’t want to bone people bc they are pretty. I mostly just want to wrap pretty folk in blanket burritos and feed them soup outside the gaze of a world that hungers for beauty but doesn’t respect it. Prizes it but doesn’t dignify it. (I remember what that was like, and it was shitty, being 23 and cute. It was marginally better than being ugly, but it was still fucking dehumanizing.)
And I know I’m probably demisexual in that I’m never attracted sexually to people I don’t know, but I think it’s more than that. I think I might be gray ace or in the ace spectrum? I’m not sex repulsed but it is generally something I do for people who want it, to show them that I love them. I don’t really have desires for sex that are not filled beyond capacity with taking care of others. I may need to go do some reading on this.
I just wanted to dump my thoughts out somewhere so I don’t overidentify with something new to the point that I forget to look for ways in which it is inaccurate for me. Now to go look up websites, I guess?