hopeful

[flamingsword]

I seem to be mostly over the friend break-up thing and slowly coming out of the depressive episode. Related? I dunno, maybe. I still don't have a plan of attack for deactivating the abandonment and judgments triggers that she hit me in.

In other news, I have now discovered the magnificent face Sage makes when I boop his whiskers. So grumpy! So cute!!

I signed up for a monthly perfume subscription service, and we will see if it is worth it in the coming months, or if I will just cancel it by Yule. I want to buy more perfume-making supplies, but that costs money that I don't have until the 1st. And, I mean, I recognize that that is an arbitrary limit that I put on myself. I got paid on Friday, and could just take the money and put it in my separate account. But like, then I will get sloppy and do it all the time, and I need to have a good handle on my spending habits or my money anxiety will eat me alive. I only seem to come with two settings about finances, and they are "rigid control" and "panic". Ugh. Brains are dumb. I need a cortical stack hard-drive that can be debugged. I want to make lots of Yule presents, but I have once again left it until too late to start with a lot of big projects unless I just do a bunch of small things. I might just make crochet snowflakes for the blood family. But I want to make a bunch of perfumes that remind me of different friends to give them.

If you live in North America and want a 2ml perfume sample, comment or message me with your top three favorite smells? I want to practice getting my creative mojo on before I go into full-on Christmas Crazies.

Lots of thinky going on today, thanks to having taken a sudafed for a headache I woke up with. Like for instance! Are your values what lead you to your purpose, or is it the reverse of that? I know those two are supposed to align somehow, but I'm wondering which directions the causal relationships are supposed to flow, here. Also: is my "do good things and be good at them" value just a people-pleasing reaction to lifelong criticisms from Mom and other neurotypical people that I have just internalized? And how would I even be able to tell? What would I do about it, if it is?

Comments

[sabotabby]

Ooh, I'd love to try! Though I don't know from perfume.

[(Anonymous)]

So other than baking cookies, what are your favorite things to smell? What will you go a bit out of your way to smell if you have the opportunity?

[flamingsword]

Let’s pretend that I logged in before that comment. /o\

[sabotabby]

HAh valid.

Okay hmm smells I like? Ummm, mint, lilac, campfire, bread, coconut, cinnamon, lemon. Not all at the same time. Cookie dough is the best though.

[princessofgeeks]

Hmm. I think one's values can lead to purpose AND also the opposite flow is also possible. I don't think there is a strict, one size fits all way that that works. Also in my life it all evolved slowly and changed a lot over time. Having children of my own changed me profoundly in ways I could never have anticipated.

Some of the things I loved and wanted to do with my life just seemed innate to me and I never questioned them, like a love of reading and poetry that led to a desire to write.

Other things were a more practical combination of my bents and talents, like the way I made the decision to go into journalism in the 1970s instead of library school. I don't think there was a wrong answer there. I probably should have gone to law school, in hindsight, but that was never in the mix for me as a young person.

"Do good things and be good at them" seems a very broad and helpful compass -- I can imagine lots of different kinds of people ending up with that as a loose plan for decisionmaking. And even if it started out as part of a people-pleasing collection of behaviors, it's not harmful.

Thanks for the post. Lots to ponder.

[flamingsword]

The possible bidirectional flow of purpose to values makes much more sense, and it being different for different people fits it correctly into my jigsaw puzzle of the world. Thanks.

And I guess it’s not worth changing my values unless they start to misalign with my purpose.

[princessofgeeks]

I think there's a very fluid relationship between purpose and values. I think you can reevaluate both from either side.

I'm kind of with the Dalai Lama in saying that compassion is the whole enchilada. Of course that's more complicated than it sounds but it's been a great touchstone for me.

Also I love that embroidered pillow that Judith Guest described: "Do the best you can and be kind."

Which is kind of what your statement of values is too, I think.

[flamingsword]

I dunno, "kind" seems kinda fuzzy to me. There are forms of goodness that burn like ice, and that are good but possibly not kind. And those are parts of me that fuel my ability to do good in the world, even if I don't get to show it to people very much, because it is a painful and medicinal form of goodness that folks don't often need. I am merciful, and I am learning to have more forms of goodness slowly over time, but they are learned behaviours. They are not where I come from.

[princessofgeeks]

Pondering the deeper and personal meanings of things like "good" or "kind" is very important, I think. I wish you all the best.

[robopenguin]

I think purpose leads to values . Because who we already are synchronized with things that make us find the values we need or want. I’m not saying the bad times are awesome, but they do at least give us the life lessons … I heart u

[flamingsword]

I 💙 you too! I would have replied to this, but did not get a notification. I was only coming here to respond to a different comment! sigh … The vagaries of technology.

I admit I had a purpose in mind looooong before I thought to ask myself what my values were. But for other folks, that may be different, IDK. I’m still trying to get them to line up. Expect more blogging about it tomorrow, I guess.

[genderjumper]

Almond and cherry blossom
Cinnamon
honeysuckle

[flamingsword]

💜 I don’t have cherry blossom, but I have the rest of these, and might be able to arrange them into a nice smellgood. Maybe something green tea-scented as a top note?

I did buy some perfumery samples to play with, so we will see how this works hopefully on Monday.

[genderjumper]

I do love green tea! citrus-y smells are also great.

I'm still testing negative, but I'm not making any in-person plans until we're all cleared.

[flamingsword]

Okay, so I made a smell, but it is a bit too almond and a bit less green tea/honeysuckle/neroli than I think would smell really optimal, so I’m going to try again tomorrow. And since I wrote everything down, this is, therefore, SCIENCE!