Snowflake #9 and medical whining
Jan. 18th, 2021 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordFor Snowflake we are now supposed to be doing a challenge bragging on ourselves and showing off our work. I am skipping the previous week because of empty spoon drawer.
Bc I have been so tired this whole last week. I’ve barely gotten anything done, and I think my thyroid is fucked up again, because I’ve been tired, cold, eating 1,000 calories a day or less, and having trouble keeping my eyes all the way open. It’s not a good look on me.
Anyway:
“In your own space, brag about yourself. Tell us what things you've done that you're proud of; the things that make you the wonderful person you are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
Rec YOUR work, YOUR fic, YOUR art, YOUR meta, YOUR anything! Maybe you host a challenge, or maybe you have lists of resources that you've lovingly curated that you'd like to share. Or maybe you . . . Whatever you do, we want to hear about it!!“
The fan work I am most proud of is A Dangerous Sentimentality, my Black Widow/Pepper Potts gentle romance with trust issues. If you read anything of mine, it should probably be that. I managed to get it basically the emotional shape and resonance that I wanted.
The stuff in my life that I am most proud of is being a good friend and decent person. I joined the Democratic Socialists of America last year, the spouse and I have been in a financial place to give money to leftist political candidates, including the ones in Georgia, and we helped a friend of ours get a lawyer which should make her life a lot better in the long run. I am in a financial and mental place to support a lot of people and still have a bit of sanity to spare, so all the structural work I did on myself with therapy and working to be a better human is finally seeing dividends, which is ... so gratifying.
I used to swing between engaging in over reactionary desperation with every problem on the menu despite not having any idea what I was doing and then avoiding myself and my problems for months or years. Then instead I learned to engage safely with what I could and left the rest for when I had a plan and energy. So this path of steady and slow work has been a tender learning experience. But through luck and work, I can finally give back in more ways to my community.
Also, I think I have a piece of the Guarding Dark in me. Because I used to be a creature of spite and defiance, and while I am still those things, I have turned them to my own purposes instead of being twisted between the worlds pressures and my own nature. I have learned how to listen to the generous impulses that were ground out of me by a childhood of bullying and neglect. I have no idea how I did that, but I am so grateful that I am not a petty, ashamed person any more.
Bc I have been so tired this whole last week. I’ve barely gotten anything done, and I think my thyroid is fucked up again, because I’ve been tired, cold, eating 1,000 calories a day or less, and having trouble keeping my eyes all the way open. It’s not a good look on me.
Anyway:
“In your own space, brag about yourself. Tell us what things you've done that you're proud of; the things that make you the wonderful person you are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
Rec YOUR work, YOUR fic, YOUR art, YOUR meta, YOUR anything! Maybe you host a challenge, or maybe you have lists of resources that you've lovingly curated that you'd like to share. Or maybe you . . . Whatever you do, we want to hear about it!!“
The fan work I am most proud of is A Dangerous Sentimentality, my Black Widow/Pepper Potts gentle romance with trust issues. If you read anything of mine, it should probably be that. I managed to get it basically the emotional shape and resonance that I wanted.
The stuff in my life that I am most proud of is being a good friend and decent person. I joined the Democratic Socialists of America last year, the spouse and I have been in a financial place to give money to leftist political candidates, including the ones in Georgia, and we helped a friend of ours get a lawyer which should make her life a lot better in the long run. I am in a financial and mental place to support a lot of people and still have a bit of sanity to spare, so all the structural work I did on myself with therapy and working to be a better human is finally seeing dividends, which is ... so gratifying.
I used to swing between engaging in over reactionary desperation with every problem on the menu despite not having any idea what I was doing and then avoiding myself and my problems for months or years. Then instead I learned to engage safely with what I could and left the rest for when I had a plan and energy. So this path of steady and slow work has been a tender learning experience. But through luck and work, I can finally give back in more ways to my community.
Also, I think I have a piece of the Guarding Dark in me. Because I used to be a creature of spite and defiance, and while I am still those things, I have turned them to my own purposes instead of being twisted between the worlds pressures and my own nature. I have learned how to listen to the generous impulses that were ground out of me by a childhood of bullying and neglect. I have no idea how I did that, but I am so grateful that I am not a petty, ashamed person any more.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-18 08:27 pm (UTC)