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flamingswordThe basics for CBT go like this:
Assumptions ➡️ Triggering event ➡️ Thoughts about event ➡️Feelings about those thoughts ➡️ Actions in response to feelings ➡️ Results
We can't make our lives entirely free of triggers. That's highly unlikely. But there are several steps there where we can intervene before we get to the negative results. We can train ourselves to respond to those feelings with different actions that have fewer negative consequences. We can figure out what we are really thinking that is causing such intense feelings and replace those thoughts with kinder ones. And we can figure out what assumptions we believe about ourselves and the world that are causing those particular events to trigger those thoughts and feelings.
Let's look at two people with superficially similar lives, Jill and Jane. Jill and Jane started the game of life with similar backgrounds and privileges, but while Jill received support from her parents, Jane was neglected or made to feel like she was bothering people by having needs. So now as adults, Jill reacts to positive life events with joy and negative life events with determination to get through them. Jane reacts to positive life events with distrust because she has shared her joys before only to have them made little of, and she reacts to negative life events by accepting that she is a disappointment who can only ever be a failure, since her parents taught her to not value herself by not supporting her emotionally. As you can imagine, Jane has the common cognitive distortions, is probably depressed, and is more likely to be traumatized by things that Jill would not be traumatized by. Some people think that the psychological nature of this difference makes Jill a better person, or that Jane "does this to herself" or some bullshit about seeking attention. But really all it makes Jill is lucky.
But Jane is not as trapped as it looks like from the inside. There is hope for her, and for us, to be able to change our minds with psychological tools and intermittent effort towards learning and applying those tools.
Assumptions ➡️ Triggering event ➡️ Thoughts about event ➡️Feelings about those thoughts ➡️ Actions in response to feelings ➡️ Results
We can't make our lives entirely free of triggers. That's highly unlikely. But there are several steps there where we can intervene before we get to the negative results. We can train ourselves to respond to those feelings with different actions that have fewer negative consequences. We can figure out what we are really thinking that is causing such intense feelings and replace those thoughts with kinder ones. And we can figure out what assumptions we believe about ourselves and the world that are causing those particular events to trigger those thoughts and feelings.
Let's look at two people with superficially similar lives, Jill and Jane. Jill and Jane started the game of life with similar backgrounds and privileges, but while Jill received support from her parents, Jane was neglected or made to feel like she was bothering people by having needs. So now as adults, Jill reacts to positive life events with joy and negative life events with determination to get through them. Jane reacts to positive life events with distrust because she has shared her joys before only to have them made little of, and she reacts to negative life events by accepting that she is a disappointment who can only ever be a failure, since her parents taught her to not value herself by not supporting her emotionally. As you can imagine, Jane has the common cognitive distortions, is probably depressed, and is more likely to be traumatized by things that Jill would not be traumatized by. Some people think that the psychological nature of this difference makes Jill a better person, or that Jane "does this to herself" or some bullshit about seeking attention. But really all it makes Jill is lucky.
But Jane is not as trapped as it looks like from the inside. There is hope for her, and for us, to be able to change our minds with psychological tools and intermittent effort towards learning and applying those tools.