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flamingswordMom has the same need for predictability as Ghost and a lot of autistic folks, and it makes both of them stay in situations that make them miserable as long as it is safely predictable. I am writing Ghost a letter of all the times I can remember where he let me know when he needed something to change and I made it happen. Because he is a bit obfuscated as far as showing his needs.
On the flip side of that: I really really like changing stuff as long as I'm the one in control of it? I would redecorate every year if I could afford to.
I cry a lot more now that I can feel my feelings. Duh, right? But it's one of those things that nobody tells you about because most people don't dissociate from their feelings to that degree and then decide to stop. Also, I don't generally cry from sadness. I cry from helplessness and guilt/shame feelings. I don't keep shame like a pet the way that I used to, but I do have some problems with guilt feelings about stuff that's not my business. I need to get a handle on carrying other people's burdens and doing emotion work for people fully capable of doing it for themselves.
This year is starting out on some sucky notes for me and mine, but I have hope even on my saddest day. I think that has to be a good sign. Yay for therapy.
On the flip side of that: I really really like changing stuff as long as I'm the one in control of it? I would redecorate every year if I could afford to.
I cry a lot more now that I can feel my feelings. Duh, right? But it's one of those things that nobody tells you about because most people don't dissociate from their feelings to that degree and then decide to stop. Also, I don't generally cry from sadness. I cry from helplessness and guilt/shame feelings. I don't keep shame like a pet the way that I used to, but I do have some problems with guilt feelings about stuff that's not my business. I need to get a handle on carrying other people's burdens and doing emotion work for people fully capable of doing it for themselves.
This year is starting out on some sucky notes for me and mine, but I have hope even on my saddest day. I think that has to be a good sign. Yay for therapy.
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Date: 2020-01-23 10:26 pm (UTC)