Bad anniversary coming
Jan. 17th, 2014 02:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordAs my personal day of mourning approaches, I have been thinking about the healthcare that could have prevented my aunt Rhoda's death. I have been thinking about the poverty that was part-cause of my brother's death in a badly-regulated, poorly-constructed mobile home's gas leak. I have been thinking of my friends, Albert and Rachel/Oblivion, and how our pervasive culture of victim blaming contributed to their deaths.
I have shaped my life around not losing people. My abandonment issues have reached into the world around me and fueled my relentless drive to FIX EVERYTHING so that y'all will STOP FUCKING DYING ON ME. My ability to predict the future comes from restlessly over-thinking all avenues of danger and how to defend you from them. My skills in triage, medical knowledge, fighting tactics and de-escalation which is much harder to learn: all were meant to protect my mother, my friends, the people who keep me sane and stable.
I'm not an altruist. I don't pretend I'm dong this for you. I'm doing this because my brand of crazy demands it. I am dangerous, and the world is dangerous, and you are fragile. I can either keep you alive by force of will or let the world break you or watch as whatever lives in me destroys you for fun.
And bonus link about rethinking the health insurance market as a utility.
I have shaped my life around not losing people. My abandonment issues have reached into the world around me and fueled my relentless drive to FIX EVERYTHING so that y'all will STOP FUCKING DYING ON ME. My ability to predict the future comes from restlessly over-thinking all avenues of danger and how to defend you from them. My skills in triage, medical knowledge, fighting tactics and de-escalation which is much harder to learn: all were meant to protect my mother, my friends, the people who keep me sane and stable.
I'm not an altruist. I don't pretend I'm dong this for you. I'm doing this because my brand of crazy demands it. I am dangerous, and the world is dangerous, and you are fragile. I can either keep you alive by force of will or let the world break you or watch as whatever lives in me destroys you for fun.
And bonus link about rethinking the health insurance market as a utility.