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So I sent Ghost an email that boiled down to a reasonably gentle “Could you please warn me next time you’re deciding big, life-changing things that will affect both of us?” And got told that, basically no. He will not, because he construes me pointing out the logical consequences of his actions as me “making him” not do the things he wants to do. Even though he has now largely been ignoring me for the last 3 days. Because that IS a thing he wants to do.
And I get that Ghost is not the same kind of autistic I am, he is closer to the hikikomori/“I don’t get lonely or need people”/permanent shut-in side of the smorgasbord of autistic traits. But he knows that I am not like that, so him telling me this morning (2.5 days after the fact) that he wants to be left alone by everyone including me does hurt. I pointed out that that means we have some incompatible needs, which he did not follow up on or follow to its logical conclusion.
And then him telling me this afternoon that he is going over to his friend’s house because it’s an emergency and the friend needs him … like, motherfucker, I need you, too - do you not see the existential threat to our relationship happening right now? That you are doing? I need you to stop ignoring me, and instead you’re going to go help your friend while our marriage falls apart bc it makes you feel inauthentic and beholden to other people bc you won’t do the work to unmask in any relationship including this one? Even though you’re the same way with this friend and have said so?! Make it make sense!
So I am having a bunch of feelings about it, and I’m going to list them out, bc I can’t do whole sentences yet without feeling like I’m going to cry the headache I already have into a dehydration migraine. ( Feelings: )
And I get that Ghost is not the same kind of autistic I am, he is closer to the hikikomori/“I don’t get lonely or need people”/permanent shut-in side of the smorgasbord of autistic traits. But he knows that I am not like that, so him telling me this morning (2.5 days after the fact) that he wants to be left alone by everyone including me does hurt. I pointed out that that means we have some incompatible needs, which he did not follow up on or follow to its logical conclusion.
And then him telling me this afternoon that he is going over to his friend’s house because it’s an emergency and the friend needs him … like, motherfucker, I need you, too - do you not see the existential threat to our relationship happening right now? That you are doing? I need you to stop ignoring me, and instead you’re going to go help your friend while our marriage falls apart bc it makes you feel inauthentic and beholden to other people bc you won’t do the work to unmask in any relationship including this one? Even though you’re the same way with this friend and have said so?! Make it make sense!
So I am having a bunch of feelings about it, and I’m going to list them out, bc I can’t do whole sentences yet without feeling like I’m going to cry the headache I already have into a dehydration migraine. ( Feelings: )