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Ruminating vs processing
Apr. 27th, 2021 10:03 pmIn today’s news: I took a friend birthyday lunch and candy, I figured out how I’m going to embroider a rose, and Batman had poor kitty nausea-belly most of the morning. It is better now.We are getting a mattress topper because the bed is starting to lose support, I’ll let you know how it turns out. And my medical stuff is getting weird and complicated again.
In today’s newsletter/art post, The Latest Kate said: “I've been working on differentiating the concepts of "ruminating" and "processing" lately. I often get caught in the trap of rethinking stressful problems over and over, hoping I can find a solution by running through it repeatedly in my head. Unfortunately I usually just get more stressed out and thereafter feel hopeless. So please, take it from me, you deserve good, full mental breaks. You deserve days of fun and rest. And besides, taking an actual break is more likely to get that problem-solvey part of your brain working properly again anyway." And I’ve been thinking about it.
And tbh I have not always been great about that line. Maybe it would help if I define my terms to myself, to keep me from doing it again? Processing for me is a naming and disentangling of feelings around an event so that I can see how my narratives and choices functioned in a given situation and then see what I can do about it. Ruminating is, for me, largely a process of trying to place blame so that I don’t have to face up to whether I had power or was powerless, whether I can do anything in the situation or just have to accept that it happened and move on. All four of which are uncomfortable to me, because I was taught that being unassailable in both my actions and (perceived) intentions was the only way to remain above painful criticism. I still don’t know how to get comfortable with most of that. I can deal, but it’s not the same thing as it not being awkward and painfully sensitive.
And when I ruminate, I either try to blame everything on external factors or blame everything on myself, because those are simpler answers and I was not taught to assign blame fractionally or fairly growing up. I guess I am still learning that lesson, too.
In today’s newsletter/art post, The Latest Kate said: “I've been working on differentiating the concepts of "ruminating" and "processing" lately. I often get caught in the trap of rethinking stressful problems over and over, hoping I can find a solution by running through it repeatedly in my head. Unfortunately I usually just get more stressed out and thereafter feel hopeless. So please, take it from me, you deserve good, full mental breaks. You deserve days of fun and rest. And besides, taking an actual break is more likely to get that problem-solvey part of your brain working properly again anyway." And I’ve been thinking about it.
And tbh I have not always been great about that line. Maybe it would help if I define my terms to myself, to keep me from doing it again? Processing for me is a naming and disentangling of feelings around an event so that I can see how my narratives and choices functioned in a given situation and then see what I can do about it. Ruminating is, for me, largely a process of trying to place blame so that I don’t have to face up to whether I had power or was powerless, whether I can do anything in the situation or just have to accept that it happened and move on. All four of which are uncomfortable to me, because I was taught that being unassailable in both my actions and (perceived) intentions was the only way to remain above painful criticism. I still don’t know how to get comfortable with most of that. I can deal, but it’s not the same thing as it not being awkward and painfully sensitive.
And when I ruminate, I either try to blame everything on external factors or blame everything on myself, because those are simpler answers and I was not taught to assign blame fractionally or fairly growing up. I guess I am still learning that lesson, too.