it's official: this is the Year of Breaking

I turned off my feelings on Monday when Xenoix and I were arguing. Then I broke up with him. We'd gotten bad for each other, and changing yourself in ways you don't like to stay together isn't healthy. So: broken. Broken up. The words want to echo around and around in my head, but they're not allowed, because I pinned everything in place. I have put grief on pause until moving is over, because I may want to be a real girl, but I have got shit to do. I'm moving the big furniture on Sunday. Mostly everything is over here at the new place now.

Tuesday was pretty shaky, and I had to stay in company to keep my game face on. I took a personal day off work. My mom and I moved the bedframe and loads of boxes and talked and had lunch. I went to Tuesday Movie Night and saw The Frighteners and was not awkward at all (I think).

I'm reasonably proud of how much I've been getting done, even if I think I'm developing an ulcer with the prolonged suppression of emotions. Monday will be a bitch to deal with, but I'm prepared to deal with that. If you want to send me "live through the break-up" music, though, I'll be needing that next week.