I'm not sure what to say
Mar. 16th, 2011 06:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingsword I hope I got the code right for that.
I just got back from the doctor's office & CVS and I'm trying to avoid excessive parentheticals, but it's really hard to do. Imitrex? Yes. I just paid $150 for nine pills in the hopes that this is a weird kind of migraine and that it will go away and I won't have to pay to have an MRI, even though I kind of want to have an MRI just to see how my brain looks. Rambling. Focus.
I took one of the Imitrex so that it would be safer to drive home from CVS than it was to drive from the doctor's office. But I don't remember anything between the CVS parking lot and turning off the car, so that may or may not have been a good idea. No more driving for me for a bit probably. Here's the thing: I just got proof today that when my blood pressure goes up it is immediately followed by dizziness if standing and then a sudden severity increase in the background headache. And yes my brain is so awesome that it can run headaches in the background. I would make a joke about cracked software here if I could concentrate, but it feels like I'm underwater. Everything is done slowly and deliberately against the feeling that I'm going to fall even though I'm sitting on the floor, surrounded by food that I can't eat because it feels like I'm going to bite myself. I have soymilk, though, calories that do not require chewing.
Maybe if I try to tell today like a story that will help, having a narrative structure. I woke up with some shoulder stiffness and it turned into/registered as pain across the head and neck as soon as I sat up. Which is why I'm halfway reclining against the laundry hamper now, because if I go to bed I'll sleep and get nothing done. I washed my hair and left for the doctor's office. I'm not sure how long I was waiting in the lobby, but after talking to the doctor about new developments, he stepped out of the room and I turned my phone on to read for a minute and it was fifteen til three and I was supposed to be at work RIGHT THEN. So I called work, told them I was going to be late, went up to the front desk to pay/check out and there was some sort of delay. I started to panic and suddenly everything went wobbly and I had to sit down on the floor for a minute to be kicked in the head by intense pain.
Everything gets a bit confused for a bit, because I was. Pain is mostly ignorable, but the first few minutes of migraine-severity pain are always the most difficult. I remember a nurse showing me into a different exam room and bringing me water, covering my face against the light and needing to wipe off tears, the doctor coming in and saying that the clinic was going to refer me to a neurologist, one of the nurses (same one? different?) giving me the prescription for Imitrex. When I checked back in, the nurse was repeating that they would call me tomorrow with the appointment information, I handed off my credit card (I have no idea how much I've spent on this headache, I should calculate that) and signed off on paperwork, then went to lie down in my car and wrap a blanket around my head. That's the other reason I always have that thin foldable blanket in my bag. Planning ahead is useful. I think I may have tried to call my boss but been too muzzy to talk, I know I eventually called my aunt to ask her about wills and medical powers of attorney, etc..
Then when I was able to focus enough to drive I went to CVS, waited out the prescription, took one, sat back down until it started kicking in and my head cleared, drove home (or was transported by alien beaming technology) and now I am here making notes, typing this all down so I can start dealing with this like an adult. I've been letting myself feel my feelings, but reserving judgment on when it was time to tell anyone how worried I am about this. It's messing with my Zen. Or whatever I have that looks like Zen, IDEK.
I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, LJ friends. This is the space where I am most honest, and if I'm not being honest with myself, how can I be honest with you? I am worried about the state of my brain in a way that makes me feel small and helpless. I don't like to worry other people without reason, but I can now admit that there is due cause. The doctor, it was pointed out, was not so worried that he was having me hospitalized immediately, and that's reassuring. But I've always known that when my body inevitably failed on me it would be my brain that would fall hardest. I'm about to make a list tonight of all the head trauma and likely brain-harming factors I can remember. Hopefully that will be most of them, but my memory is bad (obvious reasons are obvious). I feel a bit more coherent, if no less underwater. I could probably work like this if I had to, tomorrow.
I know nothing about medical powers of attorney, but I've got a tab open with google results to remind me after I finish this. Any experience here, flist?
I just got back from the doctor's office & CVS and I'm trying to avoid excessive parentheticals, but it's really hard to do. Imitrex? Yes. I just paid $150 for nine pills in the hopes that this is a weird kind of migraine and that it will go away and I won't have to pay to have an MRI, even though I kind of want to have an MRI just to see how my brain looks. Rambling. Focus.
I took one of the Imitrex so that it would be safer to drive home from CVS than it was to drive from the doctor's office. But I don't remember anything between the CVS parking lot and turning off the car, so that may or may not have been a good idea. No more driving for me for a bit probably. Here's the thing: I just got proof today that when my blood pressure goes up it is immediately followed by dizziness if standing and then a sudden severity increase in the background headache. And yes my brain is so awesome that it can run headaches in the background. I would make a joke about cracked software here if I could concentrate, but it feels like I'm underwater. Everything is done slowly and deliberately against the feeling that I'm going to fall even though I'm sitting on the floor, surrounded by food that I can't eat because it feels like I'm going to bite myself. I have soymilk, though, calories that do not require chewing.
Maybe if I try to tell today like a story that will help, having a narrative structure. I woke up with some shoulder stiffness and it turned into/registered as pain across the head and neck as soon as I sat up. Which is why I'm halfway reclining against the laundry hamper now, because if I go to bed I'll sleep and get nothing done. I washed my hair and left for the doctor's office. I'm not sure how long I was waiting in the lobby, but after talking to the doctor about new developments, he stepped out of the room and I turned my phone on to read for a minute and it was fifteen til three and I was supposed to be at work RIGHT THEN. So I called work, told them I was going to be late, went up to the front desk to pay/check out and there was some sort of delay. I started to panic and suddenly everything went wobbly and I had to sit down on the floor for a minute to be kicked in the head by intense pain.
Everything gets a bit confused for a bit, because I was. Pain is mostly ignorable, but the first few minutes of migraine-severity pain are always the most difficult. I remember a nurse showing me into a different exam room and bringing me water, covering my face against the light and needing to wipe off tears, the doctor coming in and saying that the clinic was going to refer me to a neurologist, one of the nurses (same one? different?) giving me the prescription for Imitrex. When I checked back in, the nurse was repeating that they would call me tomorrow with the appointment information, I handed off my credit card (I have no idea how much I've spent on this headache, I should calculate that) and signed off on paperwork, then went to lie down in my car and wrap a blanket around my head. That's the other reason I always have that thin foldable blanket in my bag. Planning ahead is useful. I think I may have tried to call my boss but been too muzzy to talk, I know I eventually called my aunt to ask her about wills and medical powers of attorney, etc..
Then when I was able to focus enough to drive I went to CVS, waited out the prescription, took one, sat back down until it started kicking in and my head cleared, drove home (or was transported by alien beaming technology) and now I am here making notes, typing this all down so I can start dealing with this like an adult. I've been letting myself feel my feelings, but reserving judgment on when it was time to tell anyone how worried I am about this. It's messing with my Zen. Or whatever I have that looks like Zen, IDEK.
I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, LJ friends. This is the space where I am most honest, and if I'm not being honest with myself, how can I be honest with you? I am worried about the state of my brain in a way that makes me feel small and helpless. I don't like to worry other people without reason, but I can now admit that there is due cause. The doctor, it was pointed out, was not so worried that he was having me hospitalized immediately, and that's reassuring. But I've always known that when my body inevitably failed on me it would be my brain that would fall hardest. I'm about to make a list tonight of all the head trauma and likely brain-harming factors I can remember. Hopefully that will be most of them, but my memory is bad (obvious reasons are obvious). I feel a bit more coherent, if no less underwater. I could probably work like this if I had to, tomorrow.
I know nothing about medical powers of attorney, but I've got a tab open with google results to remind me after I finish this. Any experience here, flist?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-16 11:15 pm (UTC)Is Jello pudding gluten free? Stuff saved my life when I went through a no-eating phase after a car accident.
Hugs,
-BJ
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 12:32 am (UTC)I am going to spend all my energy trying to hold you up with the powers of my mind, honey.
I LOVE YOU.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-18 12:36 am (UTC)*hughughughughughug*
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 12:49 am (UTC)And as for your brain... it's pulled off some pretty incredible feats. It's always good to be prepared, but don't count it out just yet.
[hugs]
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 07:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 02:39 am (UTC)http://www.texmed.org/template.aspx?id=65
http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/alzheimers/legal.shtm
https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:hMemKxpB8WEJ:www.completetax.com/taxguide/tools/downloads/texpoa%28med%29.rtf+&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=ubuntu&source=encrypted.google.com
no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 02:43 am (UTC)cranial sacral
Date: 2011-03-17 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-17 04:26 pm (UTC)