Ritual magic and I don't get along.

[flamingsword]

More than a decade ago, I needed to not be in love with someone. So I reached with my mind out just beyond the limits of what is supposed to be possible, and through desperation I manifested a work of magic that split off healthy, functional pieces of my soul and sent them away from me. I sent everything in me that was in love with this person on walkabout for a pre-arranged period of three years, figuring that I would have time to get more stable, and that maybe when the soul came back to me I would be transformed enough to not hurt anyone with that enormous strength, or that the desperation fueling it would have dissipated. I did not count on the piece of soul coming back to me different from how I sent it out. (I had never read the fairy tales of Oscar Wilde at that point, or anything on this kind of magic, so you can keep that comment to yourself.)


I don't think my soul is quite the normal shape that most people's predictive models for magic seem to work with. Some small bits of physical ritual work well, the ones that I've designed for me, but they don't translate across. And it didn't work that way beforehand, before the rejoining, what few bits of energy work/mysticism I had used.

So now I face an interesting dilemma: do I try to rework myself into a "standard issue" soul to be able to use these tools without the frustration and trials of translating them for my use, or do I keep my exploratory uniqueness and the trials that go with it?

A better post on the Sex, Will, and Magic workshop will be forthcoming, possibly later today.

Comments

I know there is a shoe joke here somewhere

[azuzil.livejournal.com]

I think it is a case of who do you want to be? I think trying to shape your square soul so it fits into the round hole is kind of messed up. I think finding or creating a square hole is a better answer. I think we all translate to some degree to fit our own "soul."

Glad you went to the workshop...wish I could have been there.
Hugz

Re: I know there is a shoe joke here somewhere

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

DUDE. We wish you'd been there, too. We met sweet people, but I would really have liked to be able to share that trip with you (and Christina, although I suspect it would have bored her).


There's the ineffable question also: should my soul be that tripartite shape? I made it otherwise by basically breaking it in new and creative ways, but that doesn't mean that it's 'supposed' to be that way. I can't detect anyplace that feels 'wrong', but then I don't assume that I would know the difference. I don't have any way to observe my soul from the outside, unless I want to try experimenting with lots of drugs or trusting someone else's paradigm to correctly interpret and diagnose health or dis-ease.

Re: I know there is a shoe joke here somewhere

[azuzil.livejournal.com]

We shall have to plan a trip to hang out and philosophise/magically experiment :) (and thank you i wanna hear all about it)

So the tripartite soul thing. It takes a lot of getting used to. Mostly because it is one of those damn paradoxes, we are 3 souls and we are 1 soul. We are seperate and we are inextricably linked. It took lots of searching for me to find and accept the 3 part soul model. I am all about integration so trying to unlearn that to seperate these 3 souls our to the integrate them was like taking a hammer to a bone to re-set it.

Do the answer is I dunno. To work in feri it would be hard to get around that basic understanding as it builds on itself. I would say try the new model out, see if you can find any corollation to any of the parts of yourself that you know. And talk to the parts of yourself that know this stuff. Have that dialog with yourself on more than conscious levels and find what works for you.

Both fine choices

[lord-of-entropy.livejournal.com]

Personally, I would seek multiple opinions, but baring a situation where you would need to transform yourself metaphysically to accomplish your oh-so-vital-goal, then I think this falls pretty firmly in the realm of things where meddling has a poor cost-benefit analysis. i.e., even if it were a flaw, would it be worth the XP to buy-off?

Re: Both fine choices

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

Some day you're going to come across a situation in which gaming XP does not help you. But I can't actually think of what that might be. Let me know when you find it.

I'm going to have to clarify and give the backstory for this so that all the people who jumped in can do so with better information. I won't be changing anything yet, but if I decide to experiment with my soul's shape, I can always configure it back to its current way. And when does doing things the smart, easy way get me what I want? Pft.

Hmmmmmmm, interesting questions.

[wymzie.livejournal.com]

I think the grouping of spirit-particles are as individual and unique as the mind and physical shell they are attached to.

How did you send the spirit/soul parts away? Did you create a fetch or golum to carry your love away? Since they (soul bits) are part of you, I would think that the decision to incorporate them again (or not) is completely up to you. Are they worth your time and energy? Are their differences enough to make you uncomfortable?

My dear, I don't think anything about you could be considered "standard issue." Why would you ever consider reworking your parts, when your uniqueness is such a treasure?
Hugs
Valna

[runiclaw.livejournal.com]

yeah did not want to say hey to you either, lol. as to what your asking. there is no such thing as a Standard issue Soul. we hammer and forge it into what we are. yours most likely seem wrong because you sent it off. if changed and melded with what i found. personally i would reform the Magicks to meet your needs. i have never been a big fan of Rite magicks because they are hard set and my mind rarely fits what the writer of the rite was thinking. i have forged my own that i use that fit my needs.

sounds like a fun workshop.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

It doesn't feel "wrong", it feels like a catamari that doesn't roll the way other, rounder little planets will. I'm not talking about removing any parts of myself, I've gotten over that urge finally. I'm talking about restructuring what's there. The square peg may not fit through the round hole, but a long rectangular block might.

I'm probably going to keep myself this way for a while yet, but I'm considering doing the efficient thing and then re-reconstructing it later. I'm experimental like that.

[runiclaw.livejournal.com]

sounds like a plan lass,

[lifeblender.livejournal.com]

I think that uniqueness in any form is a spiritual asset. Go with what you have. All of the theories about spiritual progression I know of talk about the human soul as something to perfect. I don't see any reason to aim for other people's natures when common forms of souls may need refinement anyway.

[sushi-slave.livejournal.com]

From both a "mental-health" standpoint, and a shamanic background, I should think that reintegration should be a high priority for you. Don't force things that don't fit, and take your time. Try to learn from the changes, and try to see how the things that do fit do so, and why the parts that don't do not ... (Trust me, there will be both). It will be a long and painfull, and probably in all honesty and not entirely fulfilling process, but if you value the ability to focus your own perspective energy in any capable manner, then to reground yourselves (both old and new) should be paramount.

Hugs

[rens-sanctuary.livejournal.com]

"A priest a rabbi and an ATA user walk into a bar...John forgot he couldn't move it with his mind, the priest and rabbi had no excuse." Which, as you have heard that one, is my way of saying, "Hi!"

It took me awhile to get myself into a Work Around so I could Do Things and I imagine my soul underwent that too, and probably will 'til I die, or find religion, or see Atlantis, whichever. :P :) Probably not the same thing as fracturing yourself off....:)

Also, reading Good Omens! Holy Crap that's like Custom Crack! I'm making notes as I go.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

w00t!

Terry Pratchett is made of crack. That's why copperbadge writes Discworld fic. You will eventually read those, too, as it's inevitable from this point, but I figured we'd start you off slow . . . >:D

[rens-sanctuary.livejournal.com]

I read the first book in that series. The one with the edge of the world. That was kinda too crazy. I enjoyed it, but...I have no idea of the word I want here. It was just too bizarre, but man DEATH is awesome!