Worries and fears
Sep. 29th, 2024 07:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordIn an effort to find balance, and maybe have fewer stress dreams about finances etc., I think I should enumerate what terrible things my brain says will happen if I navigate these situations imperfectly. Cut for catastrophizing thoughts:
1. If I spend money on anything frivolous, or possibly anything at all, I will not have money to move out of state and will be attacked and die. Or I will get out of Texas to not have enough money to go back to school and will be reliant on my Mom to pay for things, who will then use that as an excuse to disrespect me more than normal, and a different branch of disasters will ensue.
2. Waiting until December will be too late in the year to travel safely andot_atma and I will wind up in a snowstorm, and we will die in a car crash in a snowdrift. Or we will be in a wreck that I will be unable to afford and the first set of fears takes place.
3. Ghost (who has gone back to his expensive nitrous use habit) will suddenly decide to backstab me/not pay any spousal support, and I will have no legal recourse but to come back to Texas to try to sue him for it, which probably won’t work bc fucking Texas.
4. The mailbox thing will not get fixed at all and I will be left trying to navigate the world through paying for things on my phone through apps. And since lots of important places don’t take CashApp etc., I will be entirely and comprehensively screwed.
5. Mom and Steve will wait til I am in NC to spring on me that something terrible is going on which is now my responsibility to deal with. I will be unable to do both that and school and will have paid $9k only to flunk out.
I don’t really feel better yet, but it’s good that I have things to unpack and ways to reassure panic-brain that is being panicky.
Brains. Why.
1. If I spend money on anything frivolous, or possibly anything at all, I will not have money to move out of state and will be attacked and die. Or I will get out of Texas to not have enough money to go back to school and will be reliant on my Mom to pay for things, who will then use that as an excuse to disrespect me more than normal, and a different branch of disasters will ensue.
2. Waiting until December will be too late in the year to travel safely and
ot_atma and I will wind up in a snowstorm, and we will die in a car crash in a snowdrift. Or we will be in a wreck that I will be unable to afford and the first set of fears takes place. 3. Ghost (who has gone back to his expensive nitrous use habit) will suddenly decide to backstab me/not pay any spousal support, and I will have no legal recourse but to come back to Texas to try to sue him for it, which probably won’t work bc fucking Texas.
4. The mailbox thing will not get fixed at all and I will be left trying to navigate the world through paying for things on my phone through apps. And since lots of important places don’t take CashApp etc., I will be entirely and comprehensively screwed.
5. Mom and Steve will wait til I am in NC to spring on me that something terrible is going on which is now my responsibility to deal with. I will be unable to do both that and school and will have paid $9k only to flunk out.
I don’t really feel better yet, but it’s good that I have things to unpack and ways to reassure panic-brain that is being panicky.
Brains. Why.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 10:48 am (UTC)I’ve talked to the post office and they say that it takes _three weeks_ to put through a change of address or temporary stop on mail through them. Maybe I can call All The Places that I need mail from and have it delivered to a friend that way? At least with the debit card. That’s the only thing I know of to ask for folks’ help with.
Thank you again for delivering the TENS unit, btw. Once I get this pain thing figured out, I’m going to be unstoppable.