Trying this again

I tried to get into the first Shadow work post Saturday and couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working, but I just now realized that it requires you to be aware of your body, a thing at which I am Not Great (often deliberately so, considering the chronic pain). So let’s pick a different question and see how it goes.

What’s something you’re often embarrassed to admit to others?

• That I have chronic pain, which will need accommodations people often feel contempathy towards. I have childhood memories of people rolling their eyes when I try to express my needs, and it’s a shitty, shitty feeling that embarrasses me bc I technically can fix that situation, but I’m tired and have knives where spoons should be a lot of the time. It makes me feel bad to be disabled.
• That I am ““gifted”” - bc it doesn’t mean what people think it means. They think it means that I’m “too smart to make dumb mistakes” and like, neighbor … so are you but here you are mistaking intelligence with wisdom, a mistake any second year D&D player can point out. My procedural memory and visual memory work just fine. It’s the episodic memory where everything goes to shit.
• That they’re wrong about my having a gender, in a way that seems fairly obvious to me but is apparently easy to miss for cis folks. But other enbies can clock me and gravitate my way easily enough, so I guess that part is just as well. I just wish cis people would stop punishing cisn’t folx for not complying with gender norms. It’s tiresome and I have better shit to do.

Okay, that seems to have gotten a little deeper than last time. Limited success!