Quiz about knowing myself (part II)

Do you embrace rules or flout rules?
Yes. I embrace rules that I make, or rules that make sense to me that do not have obvious necessary exceptions. Rules that other people make are subject to immediate skepticism, and are free to be flouted at will unless there are legal complications. Rules that I made go under review any time I am sufficiently confused in a situation to warrant questioning my underpinning strictures.

Do you keep New Year’s resolutions?
I keep my resolutions, for the most part, no matter when I make them. And so I don't wait until New Year's generally, although sometimes I will hold off telling people about a new plan until New Year's in order to have more things visibly in common with other people. Sometimes I don't want to actually do something, though, I just want to want to, and those I wind up breaking pretty quickly. Sometimes the cost is too high, or I am uncertain of the intended benefit.

Do you work well under pressure? Deadlines?
I do fine under pressure if I am not in a depressive episode or mixed state. Once the pressure gauges in my brain are broken, though, all bets are off. When I am depressed I avoid everything that seems too hard and give up easily. When I am in a mixed state a whole host of avoidant behaviors become normal and suddenly everything feels too hard and I just want to cry and break things. Fun.

What would your perfect day look like?
I wake up in a robot body, with none of this meatsack's frailties to consider. Aching hands and feet, temperature and light sensitivities, sore back and limbs from not having the energy to dance my muscles into compliance: all gone with one massive state change. After that, there's no end of things I could do, or learn, or become. It could be any kind of day and I would be fine with it, because I would be stronger than the world, as untouchable as I used to feel when I was a young adult.

How much TV do you watch in a week (and yes, this includes computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?
I don't know. I spend more than 30 hours a week reading, 40 if it's a bad week. TV and video I may watch ten hours in a week, or I may do half an hour of music videos and TED talks, or nothing. Weeks with the half hour are a lot more common than the ten or the zero however.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I am a night person. It is 10:30 right now and I finally feel really awake today. I've been this way since I was an infant, according to my mother.

What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?
Saving time now also means saving spoons, which is a must. I will pay in money what I cannot make up in energy, although I recognize that the reverse used to be true for me, having grown up poor.

Do you like to be in the spotlight?
Sometimes, for short periods, yes. I used to like it more often and for longer, but again: spoons. I don't have the energy to be entertaining and vivacious and pay close attention to more than one person at a time.

Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight, move?
No. I used to do this, I think I mentioned in the first part of this quiz. There are things that I have planned for the future that cannot come into being yet, but I am not diminishing the amount of happiness and connection I get from my life now in order to focus on a future, especially one that can't be attained by not paying attention here and now.

What would you do if you had more energy?
How MUCH more?
A little bit more: Work on one more client per day, split the money between paying off the car faster and setting aside money to go see Corbi. Return to seeing one to two friends per weekend. Have sex with my husband more than once in a blue moon.
Half the energy I used to have: Restart Movie Night. Dance. Date people if I felt like it. Cook meals once a week. Be a better friend.
All the energy I used to have: Dance MORE in A CLUB. Go back to Panoptikon. Cook meals regularly. Do housework. Cry tears of joy every time I get to help someone do something strenuous.
As much energy as Xenoix, the hypomanic ex: Go back to school while working. Get a degree in something adjacent to massage, possibly physical therapy. Take krav maga classes once I switch jobs just to keep from getting slow.