the return

It has been a while since I had both the energy and the attention span to sustain conversations with myself, and now that that's consistently returned it's time to use it. So I'm going to start therapy journalling here to show a friend of mine how it's done, and blogging about things I'm reading and and what I think about them.

And maybe it's time to start working on all the goals that I once told myself were impossible. I am approaching middle age, and not dead yet. I am disabled, but happy (paradox feels liek woah). I have stable support structures and friends who are not going anywhere either, and have not seriously contemplated harming either myself or another person in years. It's time to stop identifying as crazy, maybe. I no longer have the felt sense of desperation that lives with me every day, and I would have sworn that was permanent once upon a time.

It's time to start doing impossible things again, this time not because I have to to keep people safe, but because I want to to make myself and the world more awesome. And step zero of every endeavor is to pay attention, so paying attention to what goes through my head is easiest when I'm blogging. Wish me luck.