Open At The Close [poem 2/6]

[flamingsword]

Open At The Close
For dyingfire and to riff off of te_non_sum.

In life we climb toward many distant goals,
And though we go so far we sometimes fail
To fill the spaces in our hungry souls
And, stretching to the next branch, fall and flail.
Most crash land, and from pain must learn new things.
A few, when they first fall, will learn to fly.
But some will open arms instead of wings
And catch a hand reached out by close ally.
Ensuring by such grasp, though we can't stand,
We won't go down nor climb up any higher.
What we can't reach must pass from hand to hand
That help, not height, bring us our heart's desire.
When we'd no knowledge we would surely fall
We had no reason to reach out at all.

EDIT: metaphor a bit more coherent?

The sonnet I am rebutting:
Sonnet for a Discouraged Friend
By James Healy

The light is coming through the clouds, and pale
And weak upon the face of those who gaze
At azure skies. They count the many days
Of those who reach for stars, and fall, and fail.
But none can take the stars who do not reach
And reaching, find their souls are lifted high.
Those left below are left to wonder why,
Wanting to learn what reachers cannot teach.
In searching, reaching, for the dreams we left
Behind with thoughts of, "What I wanted then
I cannot reach, so I'll no longer try,"
We lose ourselves; so reach, I say, again,
And reaching, find yourself no more bereft
Of stars; and find that you know how to fly.

Comments

[dyingfire.livejournal.com]

Yay! I can haz a poem! Brilliant! After the day I had yesterday, this is a much needed thing of Beauty. :D Love!

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I edited it a bit, is this a little more coherent?