Feelings journaling and some links
May. 6th, 2024 08:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordhttps://www.noemamag.com/we-need-to-rewild-the-internet/ Rewilding The Internet.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/phrases-adult-children-want-hear-from-parents_l_6627df0ee4b06e0c270a3916 6 Phrases Adult Children Are Desperate To Hear From Their Parents
https://www.snopes.com/articles/465478/sharks-north-star/ There is at least one sense in which sharks are older than the North Star. Weird, and kind of cool.
And the feels for today:
Glad:
• I have kitties and they are feral little snuggle-goblins. I love them so much.
• Ghost has been bringing stuff to me in bed since my hips are painful
• I made Sesame-Peanut rice and it is just as good as I remember it being.
Sad:
• My body is still made of fail, and I’m sad about it.
• I need to go through the grief process for a lot of shit that happened to me when I was a kid. I did the big obvious things already, dead!brother and unloving!father, but there’s stuff like Mom never having been interested in me as a person that she didn’t have to criticize and correct the “flaws” of. I get that she did her best, but I wish her best had not been so hurtful and harmful. And I’m sad and dreading this process.
Mad:
• I am having a bursitis flare, which is why my hips and arms hurt to move. WTF body … just … WTF.
Afraid:
• I am reading Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close (https://bookshop.org/p/books/big-friendship-how-we-keep-each-other-close-ann-friedman/15495370?) and I’m realizing that my relationship repair skills are both desperately needed and wholly inadequate to the task of being friends with as many people as I like. I love so many folx and I don’t know how to identify missteps unless someone walks me through stuff, and I am not forthcoming about stuff that I think people will find difficult or boring - even when I know I’m projecting or that I need to say those things for the health and authenticity of the relationship. It’s causing a time suck, but I don’t have room for skill building right now either if I need to do grief stuff. And I have put that off for 30 years, so it really needs doing.
Amazed:
• Some days I am amazed that I am still here, that the world exists at all. I look at the kleptocracy that is USian culture and think that we have been actively destroying ourselves for my entire lifetime, with extra prejudice towards those who are queer, disabled, of color, or just plain weird. So many groups that I and my friends fit into, and they’re basically used as a to-do list of who needs to be punished by society for no good fucking reason.
This got long and kinda thinky.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/phrases-adult-children-want-hear-from-parents_l_6627df0ee4b06e0c270a3916 6 Phrases Adult Children Are Desperate To Hear From Their Parents
https://www.snopes.com/articles/465478/sharks-north-star/ There is at least one sense in which sharks are older than the North Star. Weird, and kind of cool.
And the feels for today:
Glad:
• I have kitties and they are feral little snuggle-goblins. I love them so much.
• Ghost has been bringing stuff to me in bed since my hips are painful
• I made Sesame-Peanut rice and it is just as good as I remember it being.
Sad:
• My body is still made of fail, and I’m sad about it.
• I need to go through the grief process for a lot of shit that happened to me when I was a kid. I did the big obvious things already, dead!brother and unloving!father, but there’s stuff like Mom never having been interested in me as a person that she didn’t have to criticize and correct the “flaws” of. I get that she did her best, but I wish her best had not been so hurtful and harmful. And I’m sad and dreading this process.
Mad:
• I am having a bursitis flare, which is why my hips and arms hurt to move. WTF body … just … WTF.
Afraid:
• I am reading Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close (https://bookshop.org/p/books/big-friendship-how-we-keep-each-other-close-ann-friedman/15495370?) and I’m realizing that my relationship repair skills are both desperately needed and wholly inadequate to the task of being friends with as many people as I like. I love so many folx and I don’t know how to identify missteps unless someone walks me through stuff, and I am not forthcoming about stuff that I think people will find difficult or boring - even when I know I’m projecting or that I need to say those things for the health and authenticity of the relationship. It’s causing a time suck, but I don’t have room for skill building right now either if I need to do grief stuff. And I have put that off for 30 years, so it really needs doing.
Amazed:
• Some days I am amazed that I am still here, that the world exists at all. I look at the kleptocracy that is USian culture and think that we have been actively destroying ourselves for my entire lifetime, with extra prejudice towards those who are queer, disabled, of color, or just plain weird. So many groups that I and my friends fit into, and they’re basically used as a to-do list of who needs to be punished by society for no good fucking reason.
This got long and kinda thinky.