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flamingswordI have a sinus infection but probably not Covid? And I am reading a really good book about how to be my authentic self more so that I can bring my whole self into my life and relationships. So far, these are all the places that I have written the word "ouch" in the margins:
Answer: I have no idea. And that itself makes me feel small and hurt.
... and I blame myself for not literally predicting the future, still, even though I am getting better at catching myself doing it. I still feel like the weight of the moral universe is on me for doing everything right, even though my head knows how ridiculous that is.
I do not let myself get caught up in joys stronger than a medium contentment because I am so convinced that if I get used to joy and don't have my defenses up, something terrible is going to happen while I am unarmored and it will shatter me. (And then I will blame myself for that like I blame myself for every other thing I "should have seen coming". Ugh. Why do my insecurities have to interlock with each other?)
So, let's talk strategies! What do you do instead of these things? Did you used to have any of this and got over it? DM's are welcome if stuff is super personal.
I think the most courageous thing I can do about the current dumped-by-friend hurt is probably to just feel the hurt and sadness already. I have had the anger trickling out but have not been letting myself cry or feel rejected, and it's probably time for that. Other situations what is brave may not always line up with what is effective, but in this instance they both apply.
4. What's the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?
Answer: I have no idea. And that itself makes me feel small and hurt.
Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
... and I blame myself for not literally predicting the future, still, even though I am getting better at catching myself doing it. I still feel like the weight of the moral universe is on me for doing everything right, even though my head knows how ridiculous that is.
"foreboding joy", and "I'd rather not be joyful than have to wait for the other shoe to drop."
I do not let myself get caught up in joys stronger than a medium contentment because I am so convinced that if I get used to joy and don't have my defenses up, something terrible is going to happen while I am unarmored and it will shatter me. (And then I will blame myself for that like I blame myself for every other thing I "should have seen coming". Ugh. Why do my insecurities have to interlock with each other?)
So, let's talk strategies! What do you do instead of these things? Did you used to have any of this and got over it? DM's are welcome if stuff is super personal.
I think the most courageous thing I can do about the current dumped-by-friend hurt is probably to just feel the hurt and sadness already. I have had the anger trickling out but have not been letting myself cry or feel rejected, and it's probably time for that. Other situations what is brave may not always line up with what is effective, but in this instance they both apply.