All of the ugh.
Mar. 4th, 2020 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingswordI am just going to whine forever bc polyamory is haaaaard. Cut for relationship whinging and health woes.
So I am now officially on hiatus from Merlin's and my romantic relationship, and I have a whole different mess of feelings than I did a couple days ago. ~Yay! That's always awesome!~ /s
I suddenly have no idea how to navigate this. How often do I want to talk and check in without it just being me torturing myself for no good fucking reason? Do I take a short, no-contact mourning period even though we are technically not broken up? Even though it feels like it?
And how do I deal with the negative feelings around Ghost's mental health? I know that he can't help a lot of what is going on. But I'm not certain where that line is, or how much responsibility to put on him for fixing his headspace.
These feelings are not being helped by the fact that my neck and back have been hurting the last couple of days. I have been doing too much embroidery and eating sugar again even though it is the very devil. I wanted to try ruby chocolate, and it is basically as sweet as white chocolate, but with the fruity notes of a good, unroasted dark chocolate. It's not bad per se, just entirely too sweet for someone who is now used to doing without sugar. My joints have been a bit tender, and my sinuses are just not my friends right now, either. Sugar is so metabolically expensive and I can't with it right now.
In other news, I am trying to platonically reconnect with someone I was in love with forever ago, now that I no longer fear the life-ruining crush aspect of our friendship. There was a whole 4-way unrequited crush circle from high school and into college, it was really quite a shitshow. Hopefully we can at least be friendly acquaintances. I still miss that dude. People weirder than me are more precious than rubies, and more rare.
So I am now officially on hiatus from Merlin's and my romantic relationship, and I have a whole different mess of feelings than I did a couple days ago. ~Yay! That's always awesome!~ /s
I suddenly have no idea how to navigate this. How often do I want to talk and check in without it just being me torturing myself for no good fucking reason? Do I take a short, no-contact mourning period even though we are technically not broken up? Even though it feels like it?
And how do I deal with the negative feelings around Ghost's mental health? I know that he can't help a lot of what is going on. But I'm not certain where that line is, or how much responsibility to put on him for fixing his headspace.
These feelings are not being helped by the fact that my neck and back have been hurting the last couple of days. I have been doing too much embroidery and eating sugar again even though it is the very devil. I wanted to try ruby chocolate, and it is basically as sweet as white chocolate, but with the fruity notes of a good, unroasted dark chocolate. It's not bad per se, just entirely too sweet for someone who is now used to doing without sugar. My joints have been a bit tender, and my sinuses are just not my friends right now, either. Sugar is so metabolically expensive and I can't with it right now.
In other news, I am trying to platonically reconnect with someone I was in love with forever ago, now that I no longer fear the life-ruining crush aspect of our friendship. There was a whole 4-way unrequited crush circle from high school and into college, it was really quite a shitshow. Hopefully we can at least be friendly acquaintances. I still miss that dude. People weirder than me are more precious than rubies, and more rare.