(no subject)

January 21st is my Day of Mourning, the one day out of the year that I am allowed to be a sad sack and a weepy nutjob. I get shit done on this day even if I need to cry while making appointments and talking to folks to do it.

This year I am sad about:
• Dad and I being incompatible with any kind of parent-child relationship.
• Mom still misgendering me to other people in front of me.
• people treating my friend poorly and interpreting his actions through lenses he doesn’t have.
• the eye thing, and the flu that I have.
• the needing to go to a pain management doctor because my pain levels have been getting worse each winter.
• the warts on my finger cramping my style even if they’re not pre-cancerous.
• my uncle Gene died last year.
• the ulcers that might result if I take too much diclofenac from the pain management doc
• lacking the patience for tv until I’m sick
• wanting to learn spinning from someone who knows to wear a mask, and being unable to.
• people being misguided and somewhat meh about the possibility that they are the ones who screwed up, who think they’re being fair when they are holding everyone to the same inflexible standard.
• not being able to experience alternate timelines, so that I can only live this one life, and never understand the might-have-beens.
• I miss a bunch of dead people, still. I’ll see something sexy or quirky and wish l could share it with Albert, and he’s been dead for almost 20 years.

I don't have the spoons to feed myself healthy foods most of the time in the winter, so the time I need to take the most care of myself I can't


This list will probably grow over the rest of today.

Day of Mourning: take 2 (and call me in the mourning) 02-18-2023
• my eyes hurt
• my eyes are blurry and won’t focus completely
• I’m lonely for no real reason
• I’m afraid that my eyes are going to keep doing this, and being afraid makes me pissed off.
• being pissed off is making me tense my muscles and now my head hurts. Gack.