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Jun. 20th, 2009 12:48 amYummy peanut butter cookies, YAY! I am done with baking them, also YAY! And in less than an hour I'm off to Austin to see Helix and possibly The Marquis de Josh and Nick and some of the Feri peeps, where we will study the NATURE OF OUR VERY SOULS. Or so I hope. Most of what 'magic' is, it seems to me, is just learning how your head works and getting a handle on the rules so you can program yourself to do all the complex shit you need to keep up with. And there's a lot in our world to keep up with.
I'm not sure how done I am with grieving, but I'm going to risk it. Deep meditation always brings things up, but just because the Rhoda thing is fresh doesn't mean it feels more immediate than the other emotional baggage I've got. I'm pretty sure that I felt my way through the worst reactions to her death while she was still alive.
It has been interesting to find out that my previously-acquired intrapersonal skills don't work like they should when I'm not a crazy person, but that's just life I suppose. Does this mean I need to chase down all the things I tried back in school, all the behavioral modelling I decided I couldn't use because I just didn't work like that? I didn't then, but maybe now I do. More stolen magic and mind-macros. I wonder what size my operating kernel is? heh. :)
I run so many programs, and I have things partitioned really crazily, but it does OK. Years of beta testing seem to work miracles. Now I only run CrazeOS when I have to, and most of my applications and drivers got exported over here. So many system resources, what will I do with them next?
I'm not sure how done I am with grieving, but I'm going to risk it. Deep meditation always brings things up, but just because the Rhoda thing is fresh doesn't mean it feels more immediate than the other emotional baggage I've got. I'm pretty sure that I felt my way through the worst reactions to her death while she was still alive.
It has been interesting to find out that my previously-acquired intrapersonal skills don't work like they should when I'm not a crazy person, but that's just life I suppose. Does this mean I need to chase down all the things I tried back in school, all the behavioral modelling I decided I couldn't use because I just didn't work like that? I didn't then, but maybe now I do. More stolen magic and mind-macros. I wonder what size my operating kernel is? heh. :)
I run so many programs, and I have things partitioned really crazily, but it does OK. Years of beta testing seem to work miracles. Now I only run CrazeOS when I have to, and most of my applications and drivers got exported over here. So many system resources, what will I do with them next?