hanging my tomorrows on the bones of yesterday

I didn't care about seeming weak, I cared about seeming broken or crazy and having Mom know that she'd really lost both of us. I cared about being medicated or put in an institution or going to juvie for putting someone in the hospital. In my mind, those were very real possibilities. As an adult I recognize that my family is full of enablers who would've made excuses for me and not made me take meds or committed me, but as a kid that was not how it looked.


"You got to the meta first and then filled in the learning with full awareness of how difficult and bizarre the whole process was." <--THIS.

My everything has always been cerebral. And the fact that I can never forget how contrived it is is part of why it never feels natural I think. It needs ruminating, but there is some piece of truth in this that I need to fit into my understanding of my feeling of alienation. It feels important. Thank you!

"Would you choose to do something more with it so others can recognize your insight with fame and wealth, or are you content to thrive quietly?" I'm still thinking of dusting off bits of this journal and adding some cognitive science and making a book about human interaction out of it for Aspies and people who want to befriend them. Karen told me about your idea on my workshopping a thing on dealing with emotions rationally, but I've never gotten any volunteers before to teach how to do what I do. I would like to try to teach one person some of it and see if that even works first.